14 years ago today my son was born. He weighed in at 1lbs 10oz. Had the sweetest little cheeks and a full head of the blackest hair I'd ever seen...he had ten tiny little fingers and ten tiny little toes... he was also very broken inside...

In the spring of 2009 I gave birth to my second child Ethan. He had red hair, big blue eyes, and owned my heart from the moment he was conceived. However, in October of that year he started getting sick.

I write down this story with my beautiful 3 month old daughter asleep in my arms. As I approached my late thirties without yet finding the live of my life I decided to simply go ahead and have a child on my own.

I was teaching junior high in a small rural town. I was 2.5 mos pregnant & very excited about the baby. Then, a strain of measles called rubella hit our school. Because I got no rad or any symptoms, I thought I was OK.

At ten weeks I learned that my second pregnancy had an anomaly, heterotaxy combined with a congenital heart defect. The odds of survival outside of the womb were all bad.

I became pregnant with my first child last year in my late 30's! I was elated and filled with an unexplained amount of love for this being simply for being a part of me. I didn't know that my heart can open so big.