In the spring of 2009 I gave birth to my second child Ethan. He had red hair, big blue eyes, and owned my heart from the moment he was conceived. However, in October of that year he started getting sick.

It took months and countless dead ends (including him being put in the ICU) before we learned what was wrong. Ethan had inherited a genetic disorder called Severe Combined Immune Deficiency Syndrome (SCIDS) commonly referred to a “bubble boy” syndrome. After months and months of Ethan going through chemotherapy and right before he was given a stem cell transplant I learned that I was pregnant again. I was scared and so was my husband. We knew that any child we have together would also have a high risk of having the same life-threatening disease (my first son was from a previous relationship). We were already in massive debt due to Ethan’s constant medical needs and also did not want to bring another child into this world just to watch them suffer as well. We also could not care for Ethan properly with a new born to take care of (a lot of the medication he was on was toxic and we were forced to treat diapers and other care items as hazardous materials, he also required medications every 4 hours). So we decided as a couple to end the pregnancy. Ethan only had a 10% survival rate when he was diagnosed and ended up passing away in 2011. I do not regret my abortion. I watched my son suffer for two years before he passed and would not wish what he went through on another person. I also could not live through watching another of my children suffer and die. People have and will judge me and my husband for the choice we made, but it is easy to judge when they haven’t been in our shoes.