My IUD abandoned me last summer. It left me. It made its getaway right under my nose, probably during a period, when I was using the menstrual cup.

I had no idea it was gone until I went to the doctor to ask her why the hell I missed a period and had a positive preg test. She did an ultrasound, and instead of an IUD we found an embryo. Talk about a rude surprise. I am so not ready to be a mom. I have nightmares about people handing me a strange baby and telling me it’s mine, but it’s not mine, and it’s terrifying. I love kids, but now is not the right time to have one. I also drank the entire time I was unknowingly pregnant. The decision was easy, and I had support from my boyfriend and mother. I opted for the pill-induced miscarriage. It was painful but a huge relief. And I walked away knowing more about myself. I now know what it’s like to be pregnant. I don’t get morning sickness… I get all-day-long-can’t-even-think-about-food sickness, and I’m an iron-clad bitch itching for a fight. And I now know what it’s like to make this choice. I’m not choosing not to have a child, I’m just choosing to do so at a better time. And one day, when I do become a mother, I will be so glad that motherhood is a choice and not an accident.