I am 33 years old. I am married to a pretty great human who has a graduate degree and a decent job. We have savings and own a home. I am only providing details on how stable my life is because these were the reasons that made me feel like having an abortion was selfish. I do not want a child, now, or probably ever. I am in my second semester of grad school. I found out I was pregnant while I was completely swamped with school and working two jobs. I was devasted! I did not want to make a decision; I just wanted it to go away. I had not been using legitimate birth control because it always comes with terrible side effects. And honestly, it is not worth it to feel like crap all the time if I am only having sex with my husband once every other month (separate issue: I wish it were more frequent, and this is something we are working on). I spent a few days going over my options – making a decision was the most challenging part for me. I decided to have an abortion, but because of the ridiculous restrictions in my state, I didn’t have many options that I could fit into my life. The Planned Parenthood in town was booked so far out, and they only take abortion appointments on Fridays. I wanted to make it work with my schedule, and I did not want to deal with those dehumanizing protestors. I did not see a medical provider before because I did not want anyone to know and deal with them projecting their stuff onto me. I found a non-profit online that partners with pharmacies to mail the abortion pills. I was scared. I had no one to turn to that provided me comfort. Everyone feels a certain way about abortions, and I felt judged even when talking to open-minded friends. So I did it alone with my partner there to support me. I only felt mild side effects from the first medication. Twenty-four hours after taking that, I took the second medication. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. I passed out and was so sweaty and cold. After two hours of that miserable pain, things began to get less intense, and I was able to get some real rest. I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat with a very sharp pain in my pelvic area. I got up, went to the bathroom, and there was so much blood. I felt better shortly after and went right back to sleep. It has been three days since I took the second medication, and I have continued to bleed and feel random sharp pain and cramps. The amount of blood is a bit more than a period, but not too bad. The worst part of this whole experience has been feeling so alone and worrying if what I am feeling and experiencing is normal. This is a really hard thing to have to go through. Reading the experiences of those who have gone before me has been healing. Based on the recommendation of another storyteller, I checked out the book Pro by Katha Pollitt, which really helped. I also had to write a 10-page policy paper on an abortion bill, and I turned it in yesterday. I don’t recommend this technique to everyone, but it helped me process the experience and take up the space that I needed to make the right choice for me. To all of those who feel alone in this time, I understand. We deserve better. I will end with an RBG quote as her spirit was by my side through this process. “The decision whether or not to bear a child is central to a woman’s life, to her well-being and dignity. When government controls that decision for her, she is being treated as less than a fully adult human responsible for her own choices. It is essential to a woman’s equality with man that she be the decisionmaker, that her choice be controlling. If you impose restraints that impede her choice, you are disadvantaging her because of her sex.”