08.09.2013
Media

I was in my last year of university when I got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. He and I were already sort of falling apart. He was three years younger than me. He told me the choice was mine, and he would support me through anything, but that he wasn’t ready to be a father. We were in Tim Hortons having the convo. I stepped out into the cold winter night and there was a light snow dusting down, hitting my cheeks, and I was gripped with sadness. This little thing would never see snow, never stand outside my body. And though that struck me, and I grieved, it didn’t stop me from doing what was right for myself and my boyfriend. We are lives too, already fully formed and free of physical dependence on another. We have choices, we can decide our fate in some small way. My boyfriend was amazing at the time… he held me as I cried, he bought me ice cream, he watched movies with me as I rested and recovered. Do I regret that I chose to abort the baby? No. Do I regret getting into the situation in the first place? Yes. I wish I never had to look at those choices, or feel my body being taken over (even at only 6 weeks!). I’m still not sure how I got pregnant – I was on the pill and had been for years. But for whatever reason, this was my path. I know now that the baby I keep will be so cherished, so loved. I will look at that baby from my place of comfort in the world, as a secure, stable adult, and I will love my child to the moon and back and give him or her everything I can. That’s what most parents want, and that’s what I ensured my child will get. I don’t think anybody WANTS to have an abortion. It might be the best choice – for some, the only choice, and often for sad reasons – but it’s never an exciting or easy thing to do. It’s sad. I don’t like when people trivialize it because while it should be a right it’s also a heavy responsibility. A potential life is halted from developing, like a seed dug up before it sets down roots. But the thing is… women are living beings too. Organ donation isn’t mandatory – why should women’s bodies be regulated and controlled? I am lucky to live in Canada and I hate what the U.S. is trying to do to half its population.