I am a rapid cycling bipolar who had an abortion due to going completely off meds and still had a 6 yr old to take care of. I suffer now from an incident that has happened since my first son and for the last 5 yrs have been dealing w/severe anxiety and PTSD. When I was pregnant w/ my second I truly thought at one point I was going to hurt my first child. I could not let that happen and hospitals do not help for more than 5 days. I don’t know why my first pregnancy was not as rocky. It wasn’t nice either, but emotions were tolerable. Maybe it was the breakdown after the first. I would love a baby; that is what is so breaking about it but no one would ever feel that I had a reason to mourn since if anyone in family/friends/church found out would feel I am a murderer. And maybe I am. I have asked for forgiveness and I hope the baby will be in heaven.