I am in the unenviable position of having had both an abortion, & a child I placed for adoption. I can unequivocally say that I wish everyday that I had also terminated that second unplanned pregnancy but because of my alcoholism, I was in jail in a state that did not allow inmates to have abortions.

I was forced to carry the baby to term and nearly ended my life over the shame and humiliation of carrying around a child I desperately wanted to be rid of.

The media portrays adoption as this miracle of unending happiness, which is so far from the truth. Perhaps if I was pro life or had intended to carry the pregnancy for someone else, I wouldn’t have been desperate and suicidal the entire time. I only have myself to blame, because of my drunken actions landing me in jail.

I had an abortion almost 10 years ago. I was 22 years old, in a dead end relationship, barely making enough money to support myself, and heavily addicted to alcohol. The second to strip turned blue, I literally called Planned Parenthood and scheduled the procedure. I’ve never felt uncomfortable with the idea of abortion and knew I would never carry a child to term that wasn’t planned and wanted. Because of easy access, I was able to get in and have a surgical abortion that Saturday. I have felt zero regret these last 10 years, and the only time I think about it is with a huge sigh of relief. I went on to get sober, go to college, start a career and marry an amazing man. I got to plan the birth of my child, who is sleeping right now as I type this. He is almost 3 months old, and I am 32. The man I was pregnant by 10 years ago is now married and has a planned baby with his now wife. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have a baby between me and him. I never would have gone back to school, gotten sober, or met my amazing husband.

Women have to manage their fertility for about 30 years. If you had a job for 30 years, would you expect to make zero mistakes? Of course not. 2 accidental pregnancies in 14 years of me being on birth control is nothing to be ashamed of. We are human and we deserve the ability to control our own bodies and, ultimately, our destiny.