I’m 26. In 2008 I had a child who was born at 30 weeks. I had many complications, my kidneys almost failed, and my daughter ended up dying. After spending several years drinking and wallowing, I got my life together, I went to college, got a job at Planed Parenthood and began my life again.

I got pregnant with my son after a 100 lbs weight loss and after lots of thought I decided I could parent my son with the help of his father. My son was born, my son’s father began using meth and had a breakdown and hurt my son and I, so with the support of DHS we moved across the country to Michigan. Several domestic violence shelters and a year of chaos later I began to get sicker. I have always had health issues, but they began to get worse. It was 2012 I have a wonderful boyfriend at this point and he is amazing and still is. It’s been three years and my health is declining and my kidneys are not much better. The doctor said two years ago not to get pregnant for fear that they would fail and I could have trouble getting a transplant.

Two months ago we had a condom slip. I took the morning after pill but it didn’t work. Now I’m two months pregnant with gestational diabetes, 150 lbs heavier than I was while pregnant with my son and the odds of me having a healthy pregnancy are slim to none. If I had this child my kidneys could fail at 25 weeks or before leaving this fetus with a 60% chance of survival or less. Birth at that young means a lifetime of blindness and pain, and having already had to go through this with my daughter only to watch her die at two months old makes me feel its unfair to risk the pain to this child. My son needs mom, and having a child that sick means I will be living 5 hours away at a hospital my entire pregnancy that I may not survive. I may not even get a kidney. And my insurance won’t even cover this abortion. I love this little tiny babe growing inside me. I love him or her enough to want a better life than I can give. I can’t risk the pregnancy. I am scared to die, but I am more scared for this baby to live and suffer.