It was early December 2014 and I was a mother to a 5 month old baby boy. Unfortunately contraceptives do fail. I hadn’t had my period for at least three months and I was extremely fatigued but I blamed that on being a new mother. I then started having horrible nausea and vomiting but I assumed it was a stomach bug.

A week later after going to sign the contract for my dream job I went into a pharmacy and got a pregnancy test. I left it in the car boot and carried on as normal. The next morning,at around 4am I woke up feeling extremely hot and decided to get the test. After seeing the results I went right back to sleep. I woke up two hours later and started doing research on Marie Stopes. I made a consultation appointment for the next day.I stopped myself from feeling or being in the momentum. This was not happening to me.The next day was here,my best friend and little boy accompanied me to the consultation. After waiting at the clinic for two hours,I was called in to a room and the ultra sound was performed. I was 10 weeks pregnant and I was floored. The doctor then explained that,due to the fact that I had,had a C-Section they may not be able to perform the procedure.He asked me to return on Wednesday so that his superior can make a call.This was Saturday morning and I had to wait for Wednesday to be told if I would be an unmarried,mother of two at 24. The next few days were hell,the nausea was unbearable and I cried every single night. I feel once you have had a baby,deciding to abort becomes so much worse because you have experienced that mother and child love. I had decided to get the procedure performed without telling my partner. But I caved in and told him everything. He asked if I wanted to keep it and I said no. Wednesday finally came around. When we got to the clinic at 07:50. There were at least five couples seated. I filled out all my details and went back to my seat.There was sadness in my heart. My name was called and I sat down with a nurse who explained the procedure and how to take care of myself and contraception after the procedure. She then gave me a pill to dissolve under my tongue. I was then given a robe and told to wait in the waiting area. A few minutes later I could feel a bit of blood. I was then called into the procedure room. The doctor introduced himself and immediately gave me the anaesthetic. I remember hearing them playing gospel music in the background. Within seconds I was out. When I finally came to I was being put on to the and I was throwing up violently. I started chanting “Father forgive me,please except her soul”.I felt like I was flying and then seeing flashbacks of the procedure. I then came crashing down and started sobbing uncontrollably. One of the nurses came to comfort me. I could feel the blood seeping out and I was just sad. Being in that environment also reminded me of my horrible birth experience. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and when I woke up I went to the bathroom,cleaned up,wore my clothes and went to get my contraceptive injection. I went to the waiting room and found my boyfriend waiting for me. He held me tight and we drove home. I was still throwing up but it was done. I don’t have any regrets or feel any remorse. Some days I do wonder how she would have looked and if she would have looked anything like her brother. As I write this story,my little boy is sleeping peacefully next to me. More than anything I didn’t want him to lose me to a younger sibling.I think it was a little girl…