My husband and I have 3 daughters, current ages 10, 14, and almost 18. When the youngest was only 5 months old I discovered I was pregnant again. The baby was supposed to be our last.

We had just bought a house and we made the decision together that it wouldn’t be responsible of us to bring another child into the family. I didn’t want to go to a clinic or my doctor to get it done so I found a website where I could get pharmaceuticals to take care of it on my own.

If I talk about it now, I’ll usually say I miscarried. My husband slept through the process and I’m still angry about that. I still feel so guilty about having to make that choice. I still apologize to “her” often. I believe it was the best choice for the family but I’m not convinced it was the best choice for me. I really appreciate having this outlet where I can speak freely about my situation.