Growing up so fast wasn’t my plan in life. Being 15 and “falling in love” wasn’t in the plan. Being 16 and pregnant was definitely NOT in the plan. The plan was to pass my ACTs with flying colors, get into a wonderful university and possibly a sorority, student government, maybe start a club. But it was just my junior year of high school; the day before New Year’s Eve when I found out I was pregnant.
All of my friends got wasted on New Years Eve, even my boyfriend. I recall pleading to go to bed before midnight being miserable with the pains. Now I want to put missing out (yes- I went there), not fulfilling your opportunities in life on a much grander scheme here; this could mean to you;
No college, therefore lack of education directly affecting my income- effecting how I could provide
No traveling would affect my independence, my wisdom and street smarts.
No socializing- at age 16 this means sacrificing your sanity.
The only justification I can bring myself for my abortion is that I must go forward to live a life I could never have achieved had I had a child. This means traveling, (since I have been coast to coast in the US). I have had the opportunity to live with and make friends from around the world through employment opportunities across the nation. This is all in the matter of two years.
I can’t say I’ve been blessed. I had no family support since day 1. (Except the support to pursue abortion and the financial support in that pursuit only) My mother’s response to my pregnancy was, “Well I guess we won’t be going prom dress shopping now will we? And you can kiss college goodbye.” This matter was something my mother told me to never tell a soul of growing up Roman Catholic. Here I am left publishing it to cope, fancy that. I fell into a deep depression; I didn’t know how it is humanly possible to feel so low. I stopped going to school for months. An ex-best friend of mine had told everyone I made up my pregnancy for attention. What a fucked up rumor to have to hear about yourself. But anyways-
Moving forward I can proudly say I have begun my own journey in life because how can you love another if you first do not love yourself?
Please go forward to do things to help you love yourself.
Now some of you may be sitting there wondering- well what about your boyfriend?!! You said you had a boyfriend right?? Where was he and his support? Now listen carefully ladies and gents – do not ever rely on someone else to emotionally satisfy you – that’s like giving them your lifeline. As Dr. Suess said, “you are you and you are truer than true” this quote helps me lighten up the fact that he was mentally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive and cheated on me countless times. But weirdly enough I really thought I loved him. Life is a constant metamorphosis – we are all growing. Who you were the time before and after your abortion is not who you will be 5 years from now – see where life takes you and watch how YOU grow!
I hope my story has touched yourself and given you support to know you’re not alone. 1 in 3 is pretty crazy huh? If you’re ever feeling alone just go out to a Wal-Mart and walk around, look at all the ladies you see. Now remember 1 in 3 have also had an abortion.