I was single, 22 and dealing with some serious feelings of self doubt and depression. I had gone out one night with a girlfriend, drinking, which seemed to do a good job of masking any real feelings at that time in my life.
I don’t remember much from that night; but I do remember being restrained by a guy that I hardly knew telling me that “I could tell you’ve been wanting this all night.” After missing my period and taking 8 at home pregnancy tests; I went to planned parenthood for further advice. They educated me on my options. I knew that in my state of emotional instability and self destructive behavior, I had no other option than to terminate the pregnancy. I told my 2 brothers and one of my friends; the only other person who I’ve told is my husband. My older brother drove me to planned parenthood, walked through people that were spitting at my feet and shaming my existence; and waited in the waiting room for me. After the procedure in the recovery room, I sat there numb while another girl was crying next to me. After walking back through the judgmental non-Christians; I puked in the parking lot and got back in my brother’s car. I have never told anyone else due to the shame I feel. I know in my heart that I made the right decision for me during that time in my life. I had feelings of suicide prior to finding out I was pregnant; there was no way I would have been emotionally able to carry a child to full term. Since then, I have gone to therapy for my depression and other shame issues, have been prescribed medication, fell in love, married and have had 3 beautiful girls. I will be open and honest with them when it is time. They need to know my support and know that there are options and that I am not alone in this struggle.