This pregnancy came as a huge surprise. My spouse and I already have two children together, and we have taken every precautionary measure to ensure we do not get pregnant again. I had missed my period by about 4 days and didn’t think twice just because of how cautious we were being. Well, the symptoms started. Tender breasts, morning nausea, fatigue… you name it, I had it. It hit me like a ton of brick that I was pregnant. After going through it twice with my daughters, I knew what was going on but got a couple of pregnancy tests anyways. There was not waiting for the results. As soon as my urine hit the test it was an instant positive. I was sick. I couldn’t breathe and began to sob uncontrollably. I knew this was not an option. I have two daughters, almost 4 and just turned 2, I am on my last year of college, we are getting ready to buy a house, and I have NO INSURANCE.

Adoption had crossed my mind, but I just didn’t feel this was the best decision. I knew the end result would be me having a beautiful baby I could never let go to anyone else and I just didn’t think it would be fair to bring another baby into this world and not be able to give him everything he deserved.

I called out of work the next day. My children and I got an overnight bag ready and we went to stay with my mom for the weekend. I talked to her about what was going on and I told her I was considering abortion. As hard as it was on her, she shared her experience of abortion that I had never known about until this point. She let me know it’s okay and she will still support my decision. My husband also agreed that this would be the best option. After talking to my best friend she also opened up with her story once she heard I was considering abortion. I had never thought in one million years she had gone through that, and I really was certain I would never be in a position where I would even consider it. Well I did. I called the day after finding out to set up an appointment and they said I was not quite far along enough and I would have to wait a week and a half for the surgical abortion. I waited. After reading the pros and cons of medical (the pill) vs. surgical (aspiration), the pill seemed to be less effective with much worse side effects, and if it didn’t work, I would still have to proceed with the surgical, so the surgical was my first and only option.

I was scared to death. I read horror story after horror story online and really expected the worst possible outcome. I worked myself up to the point I made myself physically sick numerous times over the week and a half wait. My mom and best friend reassured me 100 times that it was not near as bad as I was expecting.

The day came and I was the first one at the Women’s Center. My appointment was for 8:00 a.m. There were protestors on the street shouting “you don’t have to kill your baby,” and other hurtful phrases. I managed to hold myself together enough to get inside and begin filling out my paperwork. Over the next 15-20 minutes the room began to fill up. There were young girls in there that looked to be around 14-16 all the way up to grown women who appeared to be in their late 40’s to early 50’s. I lost it. I cried, I talked to many ladies, heard many stories, made friends with all of the staff, and we all cried together. The nurses cried with us, held us, hugged us, and so forth. I was the first one to be called back for my blood work. Since I knew I was Rh- I was dismissed from the bloodwork but knew I had to have the Rhogam injection after the procedure. I went back out in the waiting room after they checked my blood sugar and immediately I was called back for an ultrasound to determine the age of the fetus. I was 7 weeks exactly. Exactly what I had calculated by my missed period also. The nurse asked if I wanted to see the baby and I said no as I thought this would be too difficult. Afterwards, I got dressed, went to the waiting room and I was then called back for the final time. I was directed to another waiting room with just patients waiting on the surgical abortion. We watched a short video telling us what to expect and we chose the type of pain management we wanted. I chose the IV sedation (twilight sedation). After waiting in this room for about an hour I was called back as the first procedure of the day. At this point I had been there about 3 and one half hours which was to be expected. There had me undress from the waste down and lay on a bed as if I were about to have a normal routine check-up. They checked my cervix and then inserted the IV into my arm. It didn’t seem like maybe 10-15 seconds had gone by before the aspiration device was turned on. It lasted for about 15 seconds in three different intervals in less than a minutes time. It was not unbearable, but the third time was the worse. After about a 3 minute procedure she said I was all done. I said, “That’s it? Are you sure you did it right?” I was just in shock. I couldn’t believe it was just over. They sat me up helped me get my panties on, wheeled me to another room with a few other girls and layed me in a chair with a heating pad on my stomach. I had no cramping and very light bleeding. Thirty minutes later, they gave me my pain medicine prescriptions, my first months of birth control, and a three day antibiotic, and I was out the door. Honestly, I felt better at that point physically and mentally than I had in two weeks.

This was two days ago when I had the surgical abortion and I am feeling fantastic. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about the “what if’s” when it comes to the baby but I know I made the best decision for my family and myself.

You have to do what it right for you whether it’s abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby. Do not let other people persuade you into making the decision because YOU are the one who is going to have to live with it, not THEM.