I’m 23 years old when I took the pregnancy test not one ounce of me was excited. I was on the phone with my best friend my exact words were “damn WTF”. Never once have I been pregnant in my life I was on depo since I was 18 and had come off due to severe weight gain. I swear I kick myself everyday for just not joining a gym and staying on the shot. I told my boyfriend he agreed we were in no financial position to have a baby.

I had recently lost my job a month prior so he was the bread winner. I just got a new job and we were getting back on our feet again. There was just no room for baby. Besides, when you find out you’re pregnant you should be happy and excited to tell your partner. I felt none of those emotions. I didn’t feel any excitement at all. My friends tried to persuade me to keep it, offering to help but at the end of the day they’re not the ones who would have to carry, birth and parent the baby I would.

I was raised in a religious home so I was taught abortion is a sin blah blah blah. But, to me it’s more of a sin bringing a baby into this world knowing you can’t provide and can’t be the parent you need to be. I am the product of a teenage mother. My mother made dumb choices and I was always bounced between my mom and grandma until finally I just lived with my grandma. So, I know what it’s like to struggle and I didn’t want that for my kids. I made my choice I decided to be asleep for the procedure I remember nothing. I woke up it was over I could exhale and know what I did was right and I have no guilt.

One day I will have kids but in a good scenario not a stressful one and I’ll be excited and happy to be a mother. I chose to go back on birth control and go back to school and get my life together definitely a wake up call. This was my first and last abortion. Next time, I’ll be pregnant because I want to be a mother and be happy.