#StandWithPP I never wanted kids. I got pregnant in college when I was 17. It was within the first 3 months of a horrid relationship. I had no job, no car, no license, and still lived with my parents. They were completely disappointed but also very uneducated on the matters of abortion. I was too. I vomited from the first day to the last. I was hospitalized 6 times during my pregnancy because I didn’t want to be pregnant.
The doctors all said my body was treating it as the flu. I was put on several vomiting meds and carried an ice cream bucket to college to puke in. My labor was induced at 37 weeks. It was a very hard labor. I had blood clots and pushed four hours to no avail. Finally she was born happy and healthy. Her father/donor hasn’t been a part of her life. He was physically and emotionally abusive, on drugs, and is constantly in and out of jail. My parents raised my daughter while I worked and went to college. I was devastated, confused, and scared.
I fell for a guy at college. My daughter was 6 months old. We stayed together for 3 years. Within that time I miscarried once and was hospitalized. The doctors told me it was most likely caused by endometriosis. I was ashamed to have gotten pregnant again within a year of having a child. I chose to be put on depovera the birth control shot. my boyfriend and i got married after he graduated from the marines. We tried to conceive because we were happy and financially stable. After 9 months of marriage he left suddenly in the night while my daughter and I slept. With him he took everything. The first income tax check we filed jointly the day before, the only vehicle we had, even diapers. Three days later…the worst happened. I found out I was pregnant like we planned. News that was supposed to finally be good. A pregnancy we wanted. A chance at normal life…a family. But again I had no job because of a recent move, was a single mother all over again, battling an unwanted divorce, dealing with bad health, and was without a vehicle.
My husband paid for an abortion over the phone like the coward he is. I went through with it with support from friends. It was medically necessary and I’m not ashamed of it. I made a choice for mine and my daughter’s lives. The hardest part of my decision was all the judgment to come. I live in a small town. Information spreads like wildfire. I live in the bible belt. Religion was used so much against me and thrown in my face so much it actually changed the way I believe. I’ve had horrible things said to me. All with an audience standing behind them….sticking up for them and their hatred. People have told me I’m a bad mother, who doesn’t deserve my daughter, that I’m going to hell, and that I’m a baby killer. My abortion was at 6weeks and 3 days. Before the procedure, I had an ultrasound. No heart beat arms or legs or anything was on that screen. I know because I saw it and spoke to my nurse about it. My decision was right for my life. I very well could have died trying to continue it or brought a child into this world suffering from disabilities. A child I didn’t want nor could afford. A child again with no father. I would be a 22 year old divorced mother of 2. If I lived. I made a choice. I will never be ashamed.
The everyday struggle of someone finding out or judging based on uneducated and biased logic is real. No woman going through what I did should ever be compared to a woman that murders her already born living breathing feeling baby. Ever. There is a difference. I’m tired of abortion being a bad word. I want to be able to tell my story without losing friends, family, jobs or being looked at as a murderer. #IstandwithPP This is why I chose to tell my story.