I was born in mexico and raised extremely religious so abortion was out of the question for me, that is until I became pregnant at the age of 20.
I first found out when I was 4 weeks pregnant. I had always wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl so I planned to keep the baby no matter what my living circumstances were. I had ran away from my parents home to live with my boyfriend which of course was looked down upon by my entire family. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant I did not expect the horrible and unsupportive reaction I got, it almost made me feel like I was wrong for allowing myself to get pregnant & like it was all my fault both our lives were ruined.I was so confused and scared I honestly did not know what I was going to do I was even more terrified of what my parents were going to say. I called a planned parenthood to ask about their services at 6 weeks they scheduled me right away for the abortion pill, I couldn’t believe what I was actually doing. I was questioned by the abortionist and she looked me straight in the eyes and asked if I was 100 percent sure I wanted to do this because once you take the first pill you have to take the second one the next day or the baby will be completely damaged if you back down and change your mind, then she proceeded to ask me if I wanted to see the baby to which I replied yes because that would be the only chance I would ever get. As my boyfriend waited outside in the car I watched the tiny little heartbeat of the life growing inside me on a sonogram screen, I bursted into tears and the doctor asked me if I wanted a picture of the baby to which I replied yes again. I felt extreme guilt but I knew it had to be done, my support system was non existent and I had nothing to give to a child, so I took the first pill and left the clinic in tears.The next day I took the second pill I didn’t want to handle it at home around our roommates so we rented a hotel room for the day, but nothing could have prepared me for what was going to happen. It was almost immediately when I started having horrible contractions as if I were about to give birth I imagine & lots of bleeding right after, I was in complete shock and very ashamed of what I was doing due to my upbringing. I became depressed and guilt was eating me up inside for the first year post my abortion, I thought I was going to hell! So I started reading other women testimonies online and realized how I wasn’t in this by myself. Finally around the second year I was able to make peace with god and asked for fogiveness which i believed was my salvation because i felt a sense of relief knowing that the real god isn’t judgmental and is forever forgiving. I was finally at peace, now I’m 23 years old and I’m OK with the fact that I made the choice to have an abortion,I wish I had a stronger mindset back when it all happened but it wouldn’t of turned me into the strong minded god fearing woman I am today, so I believe it was kind a blessing in disguise. One thing’s for sure, I completely value human life and I can’t see myself ever doing it again.