At 38 yrs old I finally was divorced but not free from my ex. We shared custody of our two sons and I got pregnant after being sexually assaulted by him.
Unfortunately, not a rare occurrence even after the marriage ended but not something the probate court was willing to consider when granting custody because as a dad he was so involved with his sons. Deciding to have an abortion was a wise choice that I never doubt, but the pain of letting go of my baby never completely diminishes. I made my choice because I knew not doing so would have meant returning to an abusive relationship, living in a state of constant anxiety while he cheated on me over and over while making me feel like I was crazy, and worst of all would have stolen me away from being the mom I wanted to be for my boys. It’s three years later and I know I choose correctly. I am healthier as a mom, I don’t live in constant fear and I feel a greater sense of control over what happens to me. I still cry for the child it was not safe for me to bring into this world. I feel that piece of emptiness and struggle with having nothing tangible, just a piece of paper stating I had an abortion March 30, 2012. I’m 41 now and I won’t have anymore babies. I’m not in a relationship that part is still to scary. I grieve for many losses in my life but I work to remember that I have two sons who are growing up to be loving, sensitive men. I hope in part they thrive because I have tried to consider what they need most from me as their mom and I have made those tough choices. I have learned to talk about my struggles in being a survivor of domestic violence, having a husband that cheated on me,and even my experiences with severe depression and PTSD,but I grieve the loss of my baby to abortion alone because it is unacceptable with so many people I know to acknowledge that choice as a legitimate loss.