I was 19 and in college and I had to make the biggest decision of my life. To have a baby whose father was a drug user and a drinker. Who had already cheated on me and then dumped me.
Did I really want to have a child with an individual who months after we had broken up, wanted to have sex with me, so he pinned me to the floor of a friends house, covered my mouth forcing me to be silent.
Did I want to drop out of college and not work towards a career like my mother did. I thought of what my mom had to go through, dropping out of high school to have me. To marry someone who didn’t love her, because she had me. Only to go through divorce 6 years later. She would then be forever connected to the person who had hurt her. Did I want that?
No. I knew what I wanted, to finish college, start a career. I wanted to marry for love not because I had to. I wanted a home. A life. Most of all, I wanted to plan when to have children. I wanted to try with my future husband whoever he was to be to get pregnant and be excited about telling him when we were successful. I wanted to have children when we wanted to. Was that so bad?
No. I prayed to the Goddess (I am Wiccan) the week before and I heard her voice and I made my choice. I had an abortion, I chose Life, my life. I had to come first. Before I could care for another I wanted be able to care for myself.
Not once have I regretted my decision or been depressed. I finished college and got my degree. Married my first real love, my then husband and I never had children, we discovered together we didn’t want to be parents. Life is about choices.