I had an abortion in June. The guy who got me pregnant also got another girl pregnant (his girlfriend) who decided to keep it. I was sixteen, a junior in high school, and terrified.
Everyone was pressuring me into it. The guy told me I needed to get rid of it, his mom yelled at me and sent out his sister to investigate my sex life even though he was the only person I’d ever had sex with. I don’t remember even making a decision, I would go back and forth every two minutes and finally I just got an abortion. At first I didn’t regret it. I know it was only a clump of cells at the time, not even a fetus but still an embryo, but I feel so guilty. I cannot bear to hear the word pregnancy, baby, etc. I think about it every day and wish somehow I was still pregnant. I know that I made the right choice for me and for that life. But it haunts me. The fact that I could’ve said no, to the guy and to the abortion eats away at me. It’s all my fault. And it’s so so scary to think that it’ll never go away. this pain and regret will always be with me for the rest of my life, I don’t know I’m ever going to be able to have kids in the future. He gets to have a happy little family with the child he decided was worthy enough to live. But I’m just stuck. I don’t know if this is normal, to think about it so much, to still be so affected by it months later. I just want it to go away. I hate myself so much and I just need it to go away. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand how it never leaves me, the memories, the feeling of being pregnant, everything. It’s something I can’t explain to anyone and no one understands. I just want to move on. I just want to feel okay again.
And everyone needs to know that it just takes one time. People need to be aware of prevention methods, and girls considering abortions just please please make sure that’s what you want in your heart and not just your brain. I believe abortion is a woman’s right. It just maybe wasn’t right for me emotionally.