In 2012, I was 18 years old, a freshman at the University of San Francisco. On November 07, 2012 I found out that I was pregnant by my high school boyfriend of 2 years. As I stood there in Walgreens bathroom staring down at the pregnancy test, I couldn’t register what I was looking at.
I remember driving back to campus, having to stop at Lucky’s to buy two more tests. My boyfriend just sat there in silence, I could feel his rage inside of me. I took one more test that night before I took a shower and that positive sign still came up. I remember going to bed and holding my stomach so tight. I was so confused. I loved what was growing inside of me but at the same time, I didn’t know how I would take care of this human being. My boyfriend, of course, wanted me to have an abortion and I struggled with the concept for weeks. I was filled with hurt and anger that he couldn’t step up and be a man when the time came. I decided that I would do it by myself. When the time came, as I sat across from my mom and grandma, I couldn’t find my voice. All i could think about is the loan she had taken out for me to be at Usf. The party she threw for my graduation because i was the first to go to college. How could I break her heart? How was I going to finish school and provide comfortably for my baby? How could I raise my baby with two families like I was raised? I wanted so much better for it, so I decided to send it with God. On November 29, 2012, I made the hardest decision Ive ever made in my life. I still have flashbacks and I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. Two years later, I’m still in school, three classes away from the nursing program. I know I had that abortion for a reason, to better my life so I could one day have a family and provide for it on my own. I still struggle with the thought of what I did, but I know at the end of the day, it will allow me to be where I am suppose to. I dream of the day I get to look down and see a plus sign on that white stick, I just know I’ll be prepared when it does.