I was 22. I already had a 2 year old son whose biological father had abandoned us when he was 2 weeks old. I had just ended a one-year abusive relationship. A few weeks after it ended, I found out I was pregnant. I was on birth control but my anti-depressants lowered the effectiveness of them, something my doctor had failed to mention to me and I only learned about 6 years later.
I was terrified of raising two children as a single mother, and being connected to this abusive man for the rest of my life. I told him I was pregnant and that I wanted an abortion. Thankfully, he agreed and was supportive. It was odd having him support me through it, since he had been so abusive when we were together. I made an appointment for an abortion.
He came with me. I wasn’t nervous. I was anxious. I wanted it done. I was taken into a counselor’s office to talk about my feelings. She asked me how I felt. I told her about my beliefs about the baby’s soul:
His/her soul was not ready to be born into this world with me as a mother. When the time is right, that soul will enter into another fetus’s body and be born to somebody who wants it and will take better care of it than I could at the time.
She told me that that was a common theory among women seeking abortions. We talked some more about birth control for after the procedure and she suggested a Mirena IUD, which she and all the nurses there had.
We went into the procedure room and my ex was allowed in to hold my hand through it. She talked me through it all and was very kind. She gave me an ultrasound to see how far along the pregnancy was, as she couldn’t do it past 13 weeks. I did look at it, but felt nothing, no regret for what I was doing.
Immediately afterwards I felt instant relief. I have never regretted my decision. I spared myself, my already born son, and that soul a shitty life being connected to that abusive man, being a single mother in poverty.
It’s been 8 years now, and I have another wonderful child who has a great dad. I know that if I hadn’t had the abortion, my younger son would not be here today. I would be connected to a horrible person. My children might have ended up abused by him. And I would still be a single mother in poverty.