By Robie H. Harris, Children’s Book Author

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of Advocates for Youth.

This year, while updating IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL, Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health for the September 2009 fifteenth anniversary edition, given that the Internet is so prevalent in our pre-teen’s and teen’s lives, it was clear that I had to write a new chapter about staying healthy and safe on the Internet. We already know that our pre-teens and teens surf the net, e-mail, text, and are on social network sites, and a lot of that content involves information and/or communication that has to do with sex. That’s exactly why pre-teens and teens need to know how to use the Internet in ways that are helpful and healthy to find accurate and up-to-date information about sex, sexual health, and puberty. They also need to know how to find out if the site that they have gone to has responsible and up-to-date medical and scientific information. And they need to know what to do if they land on a site that is upsetting, confusing, scary, or even exciting. This information is now part of the new chapter I wrote called HELPFUL, FUN, CREEPY, DANGEROUS, Getting Information and Staying Safe on the Internet.

This chapter also lets kids know what personal information about themselves or their family and friends is or is not safe to post on the Internet, to text, or send in an e-mail, or in any other electronic form that exists. It also talks about the serious risks that can ensue when kids use the Internet or other electronic devices to communicate with friends or sometimes even with strangers. It states that it is not safe and can even be dangerous to meet someone in person, whom you have only met online. And it counsels them that once information is online in any form—the written word or photos—that something you intended to be private can be sent on to anyone, even other friends, your parents, your principal, or all around the world. That’s why I caution kids to think carefully about what they say or send online about themselves or another person, and that they need to understand that cyber-bullying another person online can be harmful to that person and to themselves as well.

And yet, when updating this book and adding new developments such as the HPV vaccine and egg donation and updating the chapters on contraception and STDs, it also became clear that the book’s original information is still very relevant today, and is information that kids and teens have a right to have and need to have to stay physically and emotionally healthy.

Twenty-one years ago, when I was asked if I would be interested in writing a book on HIV and AIDS for elementary school age children — children who are pre-puberty age, or on the cusp of entering, or just entered, or are going through puberty—my immediate response was, “If I were going to write a book for children in this age range or talk with them about HIV and AIDS, I would write and talk about HIV and AIDS in the context of healthy sexuality. What I would do is to write a book for children on healthy sexuality and human development that included HIV and AIDS but would be comprehensive and answer almost every question, because there are so many things about sex our kids and teens need to know in order to stay healthy in addition to protecting themselves from the virus.

When I started writing IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL, these questions were forefront in my mind: “What are our children’s and teens’ questions and concerns about sexuality?”  “What information do need they to know to stay healthy in terms of sexual health” “And at what age do they need to know what?” What I figured out, and is still true today, is that while our children have a great deal of information about sexuality, they also have an alarming amount of misinformation. It also became clear that it is essential — for our children’s own well-being and health — that their information be clarified and/or corrected in an accurate and responsible manner. The most difficult question for me in terms of the writing was, “How could I present scientific and psychological information responsibly, simply and accurately, when the subject is so complex and so value-laden, and still make the subject as comfortable as possible?”  Soon I realized that the test for me would have to be “Is this the way I would talk to my own children?”  If so, then I no longer had to worry about how to talk about some of the most difficult topics in this book.    

And luckily, it became clear to me quite quickly that while children have a natural and normal interest in sex, they also have a natural interest in science.  I realized that a science book on sex could provide a myriad of opportunities to teach biology and genetics, human growth and development, prevention and health within a subject that would be guaranteed to interest everyone — sex. Science is a powerful tool for engaging children in learning about sexual and reproductive health.

Once science has been laid out, much of the nervousness —for adults as well as kids — surrounding the subject of sexuality is taken away. Children are then freed up to learn about the many areas involving sexuality in a productive manner. As I worked on IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL, which is roughly for kids age ten and up, and when I worked on the two books for younger children on development as well, I became fascinated with the science — everything from the uniting of the sperm and egg to artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization to genetics, to viruses and so on — and I believed that children would too.

Both parents and teachers of older kids have told me, time and time again, that they are inundated with questions about sex, which they have traditionally found difficult to answer. With HIV/AIDS, yes still today, very much part of the landscape and a real risk to our older kids, questions about sex are even more complicated and difficult to address. Then add to that such topics as: oral sex or the clergy sex abuse scandal. Countless times, parents and teachers have said to me, “I need help! Now!” Sexual health, sexuality, sex — call it what you like — is most probably one of the most difficult topics we need to talk about with our kids and educate them about.

Another thing that became very clear soon after IT’S PERFECTY NORMAL was published was that our younger children’s questions and concerns about sexuality need to be answered as well. They too have endless questions. But often, parents and educators ask, “Why do we need to talk with children about sex at a young age?” The reason is that younger children do not live in bubbles, but live in a society that is swamped with sexual words and images. Also, as part of their daily lives, families have babies, kids enter puberty, and they take full notice of these normal events in their lives. So it’s no surprise that they too have normal and healthy questions and concerns about their own bodies and many ask or wonder about simple but profound questions such as: “Where did I come from?” or “What makes me a girl— or makes me a boy?” Talking with them early on sets up a dialogue between child and parent that lets our children know that we are someone they can come to with their questions and/or concerns. Why not answer a four or five year old’s question: “Where did I come from?” or a second-grader’s question: “When will I get hair under my arms?” or a fourth-graders question, “When can I make sperm?” This early dialogue also becomes part of a child and parent’s relationship that can continue as a child grows older and moves through the more complicated times of puberty and adolescence, a time when parents really need to be talking with their children about sexual health.

This thinking led to the creation two more books on sexuality for younger children written by me and illustrated by Michael Emberley and the result is our FAMILY LIBRARY on sexuality, consisting of IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL, Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health for kids and teens ages ten and up, IT’S SO AMAZING! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth Babies, and Families for children age 7 and up, and finally IT’S NOT THE STORK! A Book About Girls, Boys, Bodies, Birth, Babies, Families, and Friends for children ages 4 and up.

The bottom line is that sex education is a health issue. It’s all about what we the adults can do to help keep our kids and teens healthy. One thing we can do is to educate our young children, kids, and teens, and educate them well.  Education can be the best prevention, but only if we are honest. And books can help.

Robie H. Harris’ website is: www.robieharris.com