Things just aren’t what they are in the movies.

I kept dreaming he would show up at my doorstep with flowers and beg me not to do it.
I was praying he would ask me to be a mother to our baby.
I waited for him to say, “Congratulations, I’m so happy. We’re going to be parents.”
Instead, I was dumped, thrown out, and asked to take care of this on my own.

I was the one who had to make the appointment.
I was the one who took off work.
I was the one who paid for it. He didn’t throw me a cent.
I cried, I bled, I threw up, and I cried again.
He even had the nerve to say, “This is hard for me as well.”

One day, I will thank myself for doing this.
One day, I’ll know I made the right decision.
One day, I will have my Ph.D., which would have been impossible with a baby.
One day, I might even have babies and find a man won’t abandon me when things get tough.

For now, I have gratitude for the logical decision I made, the nurses and doctors who cared for me without judgement, and friends who stood by me. When I think back on my decision, it’s not something I’m proud of and as a young girl, I never thought I would be in this situation. I don’t know when I’ll feel whole again or if I’ll ever be able to forget about my baby whenever I hear an infant cry, see baby clothes in the store, or watch a pregnant woman walk by. I always wanted to be a mother, ever since I was a little girl.

Nonetheless, things just aren’t what they are in the movies.