A previous long-term relationship had just ended and I hadn’t even dealt with difficulties of that yet before getting pregnant with someone I barely knew. It was meant to just be a “fling” I told myself. I was feeling weak, vulnerable, confused and overall just depressed with my life to the point where I would get intoxicated and harm myself.
My period was late. As it usually is, especially with the amount of stress in my life at that time. So I didn’t think anything of it until one morning I woke up, looked in the mirror before my shower and saw blue veins all over my breasts. At that point I knew I needed to get a pregnancy test. Those two lines showed up right away. All I remember saying is “oh shit”. I never thought I’d see those two lines. Not yet. All I could think about is how bad this is going to look being pregnant after a 6 year relationship ending a few months prior. The new guy I guess I was seeing now seemed happy about it. He had all of these plans for us already. It hadn’t even been 2 official months of dating and I was expected to be a mother and eventually his wife if he had it his way. I didn’t even want to date anyone right now and here I am… pregnant. I spent many days crying alone, laying in bed wondering what I was going to do now. I was taking prenatal vitamins, bought a pregnancy book and had an app tracking my progress so far. I thought I was going to go with it until one day it just clicked. I didn’t want this child’s life to start with custody battles as I knew I didn’t want to be with the father. I didn’t have a good enough job for a child, and I wanted to better myself before bringing another life into this world who is going to rely on me to live. I wasn’t happy with my life so how could I bring a child into that? So I made my appointment. I didn’t tell the father until the day before because I knew he would try and talk me out of it. He made me feel like an awful human about my decision as I predicted, but I kept my decision. May 31st of that year is when I went through with it. I will never forget that day. I know 100% I made the right decision but I still feel sad some days. Having an abortion isn’t an easy decision by any means but it is an option that I’m thankful for.
I now have a fantastic job, I am in a great new relationship and also in a much better place mentally. Now I look forward to the day I have children with the right man.