I had just turned 20 years old and could barely support myself financially at the time. I lived with a roommate who did not have a job so I supported the both of us completely. I met someone and started seeing them regularly. I was on oral birth control in addition to using condoms every time we had sex. One day, the condom broke. I immediately look a morning after pill just to be on the safe side (I had one stashed from my Planned Parenthood visits and was overly cautious about becoming pregnant) and did not think much more of it.
A few weeks go by, and I noticed my period was late. Thinking it was probably due to the stress of my job, I pushed it out of my mind.
A few more weeks went by, as well as some noticeable changes in my body, that led me to take a pregnancy test. Sitting in a Fred Meyers bathroom, my life seemed to crumble down around me as the positive sign on the test turned a deep navy blue.
I knew immediately I was getting an abortion. I always knew that I would get an abortion if faced with a pregnancy. My mind was already made up before I was ever even faced with a pregnancy.
Regardless of my feelings on abortion, I instantly felt an immense sense of guilt that still haunts me to this day. I laid in bed that night sobbing, holding my stomach and repeatedly apologizing to the possibility of life I was betraying. All that ran through my mind was how I was going to terminate something that was relying on me to keep it safe. The father wanted nothing to do with me as I decided to terminate it. He was quite a bit older and wanted me to have it and give it to him. Thankfully I did not, as he took off without word before the procedure even happened.
The abortion day arrived. I still felt completely sound in my decision, but the guilt loomed. This happened seven years ago on March 2nd. I would have an almost seven year old child right now.
An abortion was my only decision at the time. I do not regret it and I am so thankful it was an option for me. Not having that option would have severely derailed my life, spiraling me into a state in which no child should grow up. I would not have been a good mother to that child, and that child would have grown up in a financial situation that I would not wish to bring a child into.
Now that some time has passed and I am engaged, I do hope for children one day. Not a day goes by that I do not think of the abortion or how different my life would be now, but I am so thankful that I was able to get one and that it was a legal option for me. Because of that experience, I know I will only bring a child into this world that I can 100% support in all the ways a mother should.