I had my abortion 5 months ago. I am 24, in a long-term stable relationship, I have a fantastic job, I own a home and have a loving family, a short drive away, that would be there 100% to support me through a pregnancy. I am so thankful for all these amazing things in my life, but they certainly made my decision to have an abortion one of the most devastating decisions I have ever made. I want kids, I want a family and when I had my abortion I had everything to provide a happy and stable life for a child but I wasn’t ready and my partner was without a single doubt in favor of me getting an abortion. He said that he would not support my decision to keep the pregnancy but understood that he had no say in my choice. He was cold, calculated and unshakable. This broke my heart and is something I have not forgiven him for to this day.
The thing is I don’t regret my decision, but I would be lying if I said I am 100% certain I made the right choice. Not a day has gone by that I don’t think about how far along I would be now, I see parents holding their children, I hear about my partners pregnant sister and I just burst into tears. I am still really sad and I feel unbelievably alone. All my friends, my partner and myself are enthusiastically and without a single reservation, pro-choice. I have spent years advocating for women’s rights and was even arrested at the Virginia state capital while protesting the trans-vaginal ultrasound bill. I am unequivocally pro-choice but for me and for many women that does not mean we aren’t allowed to be sad after an abortion.
I can be pro-choice and sad about my choice to have an abortion but for some reason this stance has made it so hard for me to tell anyone in my life that I am hurting. I know they will tell me, I made the right choice and that I shouldn’t feel this way, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. My relationship is breaking because I can’t find any comfort in my choice and my partner does not seem to understand what I’m going through. I am so angry at him for having any part in me feeling this way. I am sad and I hope things start getting easier. I just want to be happy again.