I had an abortion just over a month ago. It has been the worst month of my life and I can never imagine feeling worse. I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for almost three years. Over the summer we started having serious issues and I started sleeping with other people. I got pregnant in November and I don’t know whose baby it was. My boyfriend and I officially got back together in December (even though we had been sleeping together all along) and I told him the baby was his. Growing up I had always had very weird periods and since I was having bad reactions to the last pill CVS gave me I decided to go off my birth control in December. I got pregnant on the pill but that’s another story. I found out the first week in January because I took a test for fun…. ten tests later I realized I was really pregnant. I told my boyfriend and he was in shock, it took a while for both of us to realize what happened. After that he kept telling me he didn’t want me to keep it, but he’d be there for me whatever I decided. I only told two other people after him, my mom and best friend. My mom was shocked and later agreed with my boyfriend for financial and emotional reasons and my best friend told me everything happens for a reason. To say I was confused about what to do is an understatement. I decided to do it because I knew I wasn’t ready to have a child and I still know I made the right decision. The worst part was I started getting excited about the baby, I’d find myself talking to it and imagining it and I even picked out a few names. (very premature I know but I was hormonal). I made an appointment but I couldn’t go to my first one because of work and I was scared. So I decided my second one should be where I really feel comfortable and where I know I don’t have to go to again if I don’t need to. For me this was my childhood town that my parents recently moved out of. I was calm going, I don’t know why but going home to do this made me feel safe. When I got to the clinic on the other hand, it was the worst experience of my life. I have gone to Catholic school my whole life , even Catholic college (I have a minor in theology and have been to the Vatican) but the way I was treated by the protesters was disgusting. I had some women quote the bible to me and throw rosaries in my face, I lost it. I started quoting the bible right back to her “judge ye least ye not be judged” and asked her if she was God or Jesus. To me those are the only two who can judge you and until you are perfect don’t throw any stones at me. So I went into the clinic after this and got checked in then sat down. I spent the next 8 hours of my day there before I finally got to take the abortion pill… honestly as soon as i took it part of me wished i didn’t… I think most people feel that. An abortion is not something anyone wants to have. After that I got the rest of my drugs and then went to my mom’s to be somewhere safe and finish the process. Honestly it did hurt but I remember sleeping a lot. I woke up when I really had to go to the bathroom otherwise I was asleep. The following week I had very light bleeding and not too much was happening, honestly I had hopped it didn’t work. I found out on February 2nd it did, I saw my little angel come out, it was weird it looked like a baby and I couldn’t help but stare at it for a really long time. I think about that day almost every day and that image will never be out of my head but I also think I made the right decision and I think God will forgive me. I think my perfect baby who has never experienced original sin is in heaven with my grandparents and i can’t wait to meet her or him one day. I never thought I would be someone who could go through with an abortion but when you’re scared and everyone else in your life is telling you to do something, its hard to see an alternative. It’s about a month later now and honestly I’m not doing my best, I have a lot of days when I’m sad and don’t know why I’m so angry. I deal with this by praying personally but also i know it has to get better. I know one day I will have a family and everything I couldn’t have provided for this baby and I will know I made the right decision.