I am 23 years old. I am a first generation college student
from a single migrant parent household.
I made it to a prestigious 4 year university and in October, my last semester, I got pregnant. I had dropped out of school for a year due to depression and made my comeback this year and with only weeks left of school, I got pregnant.
I had already been accepted to a program abroad and excited to be living a reality my family had only ever dreamed of. I decided at first to carry the pregnancy to full term, scared and stressed, I’d hold my belly every night and would find peace like I’ve never felt before. As a survivor of abuse, sexual assault, depression and anxiety, that peace was magical. I held the universe in my womb and made the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make in my life. I know now that pure love does exist, in its natural, untainted, celestial form and one day I will seek that love again. But for now, I decided that I was not ready to be a mother. I want to go to go abroad, I want to get a PhD, I want to have a stable life when I decide to be a parent. For now I just hold on to the memory of that incomparable warmth and unconditional love I’ve felt and with resiliency in my every breath, move forward. I cry when I think about it. I think about ‘what if?’ I know I made the right choice for myself and always knew I would not be ready to be a young mom, but I share my story because yes, it hurts. I don’t regret my choice but I recognize the emotions that linger and I want other women to know they are not alone. Y’all are beautiful and so strong!