I’m a freshman in college, 18 years old and had no idea what I’d gotten myself into. It was late fall and as football season winded down I met a nice guy.
The night we met ended in our first time having sex and our relationship continued for a couple of months on that basis. We hung out, we talked, we had sex, we even lived in the same dorm. It was fun, a new experience for the both of us, having a partner so attractive and so interested.
Honestly I think I was the first girl to overwhelm him with so much attention. But as time went on I knew our relationship was going nowhere and he’d pledged a frat and spent a lot of time drinking so I began to distance myself. Christmas break came and I was terribly sick. I thought maybe it was the flu because after a while things subsided. I’d always had gastro issues so when the symptoms came back I went to see my gastro doctor hoping he could offer me some relief. He scheduled me for an endoscopy to check on my esophagus and when I went in for the pre-op they gave me a pregnancy test as a precautionary measure. I went to school and mid-day they called me back with a positive result. I was heartbroken. I’d had the sex talk, I’d used condoms, I thought I was protected. It was Ash Wednesday so I went to mass and cried through the whole thing. I went to the women’s resource center after and there I got in contact with planned parenthood where I got a second pregnancy test the following day. Again it came back positive, and at that point I instinctively knew what I wanted to do. I scheduled my abortion, it was set for two weeks later. I sat on the positive results for a week before I had told him. It had been weeks since I’d seen or heard from him and the one time I had asked him about what he wanted if I got pregnant he told me, “A girl.” So with that in mind I was terrified to say anything in fear he would argue with me. I’m on full scholarship at my university, having a baby would’ve meant dropping out and working since my family can barely support themselves. Everything I’d worked for was about to go out the window. But eventually I got up the nerves and told him. He told me he would support any decision I made, that it was up to me. So I kept my appointment and when the day came and was over with I felt immediate relief. After that passed depression set in. I’ve struggled with it before so it wasn’t completely new but it was a lot harder this time around. I felt that had circumstances been different I would’ve continued the pregnancy and somewhat regretted getting so involved with someone who in all reality didn’t care too much about me. I saw him again after my three week check-up and after I cried in his arms for an hour I told him I couldn’t see him again. That was a few weeks ago and we see each other in passing but we don’t acknowledge each other. My depression has subsided and I’m doing a lot better now. I’ve come to terms with the changes that my body went through and come to accept that ultimately I made the right choice for me.