I was in my 30’s, and what should have been a wonderful experience of being pregnant was a complete nightmare. I found out I was pregnant by a guy I felt I was dating and meant the world to me. I very quickly realized I meant nothing to him.
I found out I was pregnant and about a week later I started to feel a lot of pain in left hip. which started to spread and became more severe. I couldn’t sleep and sometimes it was even painful to walk. I know something was wrong tried to explain it to the doctors and because they couldn’t see what was wrong right away they dismissed it thinking I was looking for an excuse to have an abortion not believing the extreme pain I felt everyday.
Unfortunately, the babies father was no support either. He just wanted me to terminate because as I found out that he was married and had a wife in another state that he hid from me. He didn’t want to see the pain either, or he just didn’t care. The physical nor emotional. Being raise Christian my family was already upset I was pregnant, God forbid they found out I was thinking about having an abortion because I was in so much pain Unfortunately, I carried that guilt completely alone for almost three years feeling ashamed because Christians are pro life we don’t do that. Even as a kid my parents said sign this petition you want to stop the murder right. Not knowing that one day, I would be in the shoes of those very women that I was raised to look down on. I also felt guilty because part of me was grateful something was wrong. The babies father made sure I know I would be completely alone raising this kid and that I was always going to struggle. (Funny thing was he was a Christian as well.) Yeah, he really didn’t want me to have that kid. My Christian friends kept on saying you are just stressed, stop worrying and pray or you will miscarry and kill your baby. Finally, I couldn’t take the pain anymore and beyond frustrated I went to a women health clinic the same one I went to in my 20’s when I didn’t have health insurance. For the first time in my pregnancy someone was listening to me and the third doctor caught the problem it was not just stress or just in my head. I decided to have the abortion that day, I just couldn’t take the physical pain anymore. But as I said I felt the guilt having nightmares about abortion protesters picketing outside the door. They reminded me of those two doctors that wouldn’t listen to me, and the friends that just wanted me to pray more. And my family feeling like a complete outsider because I knew who they felt about it. I hear the stories of people that want to end abortion because of some misunderstood belief, that abortion is killing. Well I know for a fact that my abortion saved my life, where is the sanctity for my life and the lives of the women that had abortions. Stop treating us like we are not human beings that understand the gravity of our decision. For most of us it is the hardest thing we ever had to do. I truly believe if these proposed laws ever get past it would harm women like me. Thank you to those who help fight for the rights of women like me. You realize the sanctity of our lives too, that we matter as much as the fetus. Regardless of why women need to make that choice it should be their choice. If a woman wants to have a bunch of babies that is her choice, if a woman can’t for whatever reason that should be her choice too. I am grateful I was able to make the choice to save my life and was sad I was made to feel so guilty about it for all those years. Until you go through this and really understand you can’t judge people who have made this decision. Thanks to this campaign I no longer feel guilty about saving my life by terminating my pregnancy. And even though I have never met these other women, I also no longer feel completely alone. I know longer see this as a statistic, we are real women and we need to be able to have the choice. The ability to choose doesn’t affect the lives of those that are against abortion, it affects the lives of those women who are pregnant.