I knew that you should use condoms. I had one with me all the time. My high school boyfriend and I just didn’t use them. “Pulling out totally works” he said to me once… *massive eye-roll”.
I figured out I was pregnant a month or so later because of the nausea. Every single morning I would retch in the shower and have to sit down I was so dizzy. I told my friend and she looked right at me and said “dude, you are totally pregnant”. Such eloquent teens.
My best friends knew and I tried to get my best friend’s mother to help so I could hide it from my parents. She told me I had to tell them. I did, it was one of the worst moments of my life. I bawled, my mother shut down, my father hugged me. I sobbed on his chest and all he said was “why do you have to grow up so fast?”
My mother took me and my friend to the clinic the next week. I was warned by the woman over the phone that there may be protesters there and that they would yell terrible things to me. She told me to stay strong and walk by them. We arrived at the clinic, no protesters, I was so relieved, the last thing I needed to feel was more fear.
The receptionist acted like the clinic was just any other office. She told me she had already had a couple abortions and that I was fine, it was no big deal. Her comments left me feeling confused. The doctor was an older man and he was kind. He explained the procedure and told me how the medicine would leave me awake but unaware.
I remember a warm rush and then everything was slow, I felt pain but I didn’t care, I said things, at one point I asked if we could take a break. The suction noise was scary.
We left the clinic. I was woozy but regained awareness quickly and almost immediately felt relief. I wasn’t going to be a teen mom! My friend and I even joked around in the car. My mother yelled at us, she couldn’t believe we were acting as if nothing had happened. She is religious and was insanely angry at me for the whole ordeal. She essentially told me I would be having an abortion. It bothered me that she told me even though I would have come to the same conclusion.
My sister and a friend blabbed at school and some people made fun of me. I guess I didn’t let it get to me to badly. I knew I was still going to go farther than them anyway. And I did.
My abortion was easily one of the best decisions of my life. I would have been a mother right after my 16th birthday. I didn’t have to raise a child in a broken home with a deadbeat white trash father. I was given the chance to still be a kid. To focus on growing up myself and to head to college. I have a degree, a wonderful boyfriend, a goofy dog, friends, a career, and no shame whatsoever.
I will have kids one day when I’m good and ready.
I’m nervous about not being anonymous but it is time to end the stigma, the bullying, the shame. I had an abortion and I’m not a bad person for it. I made a choice that was good for me and the children I want in the future. Abortions should be accessible option to all women. Its our body and our choice.
Thank you for giving me the chance to tell my story.