I was seventeen when I had an abortion. I am white, middle class and educated. Instead of being open and talking to me about sex and allowing me to go on birth control, my parents simply expected me to not have sex and also never brought it up.
Therefore, when I got pregnant with my boyfriend because we were having unprotected sex, I of course could not tell them. I was completely shocked that it happened to me. Even though I was fully aware and educated on the topic, I just never expected that a girl like me would get pregnant regardless of how much unprotected sex she was having. I knew I would have an abortion from the beginning. It was never an option to have the child. I was going to college in the fall and wasn’t about to jeopardize the rest of my life. Not to mention that although I was fond of my boyfriend, I had no desire to be chained to him for the rest of my life through this child. I did have a desire to keep the child, but knew it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t fair to anyone to have it. I didn’t want to bring an unwanted person into this world. I was afraid of blaming it for ruining my personal aspirations, and I knew that wasn’t a fair mother/child relationship. I had the abortion in complete secrecy from anyone other than my boyfriend and best friend. My parents had no role in it whatsoever and I didn’t actually tell them about it until years later. I had a job and paid for it myself, my boyfriend drove me to the clinic and in a week it was like it had never happened. Although I never had any doubt about having the abortion, I felt guilt about it for years. Words like “Murderer” echoed in my head and I couldn’t look at an ultrasound picture without feeling like crying for a long time. However, now that I am in my thirties and a mother of two young boys, I know that I did the right thing. Having a child is such a big deal and you should be able to allow it to fill your whole life. My heart goes out to those children who don’t have parents with the means that I have now. Not just physical means, but also the ability to love them fully without complicated issues that they can’t possibly understand. There is much more to life than simply being born.