I was 18 when I had my abortion. I had been dating the guy for nearly two years and for most of that time, I had been on the pill, but out of nowhere, my insurance stopped covering it and I had to see my OBGYN to get a different prescription.
Ironically, she was away on maternity leave so I had to wait two months before seeing her. That was all it took. When I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared. I had always believed in the right to have an abortion, even talked about it as an option with my boyfriend, but I never expected to have to make that decision for myself. I didn’t want to do it. I looked into adoption, but I realized that if I had the baby, I couldn’t give her away. I knew I wasn’t in a good place emotionally or financially to take care of a child, especially with my boyfriend pressuring me to get the abortion, making veiled threats to leave me if I didn’t. In the end, what made my decision was completely unselfish, or at least I believe so. I had been partying more than the average college student, in the month or so prior to finding I was pregnant. There was so much alcohol, weed, pills, cigarettes, even bath salts and cocaine. I knew there was a good chance that my baby would have been affected by my stupidity. So I had the abortion. I resented myself, my boyfriend had a change of heart and started to resent me as well. He told me it was all my fault and I killed his baby. It was maybe two weeks after that I tried to kill myself. Luckily some friends got me to the hospital in time to get my stomach pumped, but I was in the ICU for a week and then checked into a mental institution for another week. This was the turning point for me. When I got out, I moved to a different state to live with my mum, (my boyfriend couldn’t handle long distance, I finally realized how abusive he had been to me), I started going to cosmetology school, and I started forgiving myself. It is now two years later, I have graduated from school, I have a fantastic job doing what I love, and I have found myself again. I realize that I wouldn’t be in this position, if I hadn’t had an abortion. Now I have a career and self confidence and I’m in love with someone who is respectful and good to me. I’m in a place now, where I would feel comfortable bringing a child into the world.