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FAQs for HIV-Positive Youth
Telling People You're Positive
Q: When should I tell people that I'm positive?
A: Whenever you feel comfortable. It may take you a long time to disclose your status, or you may want to tell some people right after you find out. Most likely, there will be some people you will choose to tell and others you won't. However, you may want to think about telling a trusted friend or family member soon after you find out. Finding out you're positive can be overwhelming to deal with on your own, so having someone to talk to and trust is really important.
Q: How do I tell my partner, family, and/or friends?
A: There is no one right way to tell the people that you care about. You may want to talk to people individually or you might prefer to talk to people in a group. There are also other ways of disclosure, like writing a letter. When you decide to tell people, think about doing so in a comfortable and comforting environment. For more information on ways to communicate and how to discuss your status with loved ones and the other people in your life, go to The Body.
Q: Do I have to tell my partner or anyone I'm in a sexual relationship with in the future?
A: Although it may be difficult, it is very important to tell anyone you plan on having a sexual relationship with that you're HIV+. Because this person will be put at risk, you'll both need to take precautions during every sexual encounter. Also, there are now serious legal issues that may come into play if you don't inform your partner. New state laws make it illegal for a person to knowingly infect someone else with HIV, which means that taking part in an unprotected sexual act without telling your partner about your status is against the law and can lead to serious legal consequences.
Q: How do I talk to the person I think I got HIV from?
A: You may want to talk to the person who you think infected you with HIV, if you feel it is safe for you to do so. First, you'll probably want to get some of your emotions off your chest. More importantly, it's necessary because the person who transmitted the virus to you may not even know that he or she is infected. When you talk this person, as upset as you may be, remember that staying calm is important. Although you have every right to be angry, your news may be a shock to the person that you're telling, and being aggressive can cause problems for both of you. Talking to the person is important because you'll want to express how you feel, but it's also important to remember that it won't change your status. No matter what the person's reaction is, think about what you need and what the next step for you is.
Q: What should I do if the people I tell react badly?
A: Unfortunately, this is a real possibility. It's important to anticipate any type of response you may receive. If you're fearful of a negative reaction, be prepared ahead of time with what you'll say or how you'll react. For example, if there is a possibility that you won't want to stay in your house that night, ask a friend ahead of time if you could stay with him or her. Think of one trusted person you can depend on and talk to, if the other people in your life are not supportive. However, also remember that sometimes people need time to deal with life-changing news. The people you tell will most likely be shocked and upset because they care about you, so they may need some time before they can respond in a supportive way. If you need to talk to someone for more advice about what to do or for support, check out our resources.
Q: Do I have to tell the people at school?
A: No, you don't have to tell anyone at school. However, if you decide to inform a faculty member, you don't have to worry about the school kicking you out—it's illegal. You may want to consider informing your school nurse or your teacher, since you may have to deal with medications or other issues during school hours. However, if you're considering telling someone at your school, you may want to consider talking to a family member or trusted adult first in order to figure out how best to inform your school.
Please Note: In Illinois, students must inform their principal if they are HIV positive. Learn about this misguided and discriminatory law.
Q: I don't feel like I can tell anyone and I'm really depressed. Where can I go for help?
A: If you want to talk to someone about your status but just don't know where to go to, look into joining a local support group or talk to someone at a local HIV/AIDS organization. You can also find online support at Youth Guardian Services. Also, if you just want to talk to someone for support and advice, you can call the National AIDS Hotline at 800-CDC-INFO, which is open 24 hours a day.
Updated March 2008
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