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FAQs for HIV-Positive Youth
Dating and Having Relationships
Q: Will people still want to go out with me now that I have HIV?
A: Being HIV+ will not prevent other people from caring about you, although dating/relationships may be difficult in ways you aren't used to. Many HIV+ people are in long-term relationships, some with HIV+ people, others with people who are HIV-. What's important is finding someone who accepts you as you are. HIV will probably just be another factor to consider in your relationship.
Q: When should I tell someone I like that I'm positive?
A: It's important to be honest with the person you care about; however, that does not mean that you have to tell someone immediately. Informing someone you're interested in that you're HIV+ is a difficult issue and should be done when you feel most comfortable and at the time you think is best. It should definitely be before you have sex with your partner, however. For more perspectives on talking to a potential partner about being positive, go to http://www.thebody.com/asp/june98/disclosure.html.
Q: Can I still have sex?
A: Yes, you can still have sex; however, it's important to discuss your status with your partner or potential partner and always use condoms and other latex barriers during any and every sexual act.
Q: What are some lower risk things I can do to feel good?
A: Abstinence from sex is the surest way to avoid unintended pregnancy, HIV, and other STIs. Many young people—gay, straight, transgender or bisexual—choose activities other than sex to show affection, such as hugging, kissing, talking, and massage. If you do choose to be sexually active, be responsible and protect yourself and your partner. The basic rule is that you should use a latex (or polyurethane, if you're allergic to latex) barrier EVERY TIME there is a potential exchange of fluids.
Q: How do I maintain a healthy relationship?
A: A healthy relationship basically means that both partners feel supported and feel good about the emotional and physical components of the relationship. Both of you need to be feeling safe and happy being together, or the relationship might not be such a healthy one. Communication is so key to keeping a good relationship, not only in terms of physical health and negotiating protection if the relationship is sexual, but also in terms of knowing how your partner is feeling about everything that's going on in your relationship and preventing fights or unclear issues by explaining how you both are feeling. Depending on your partner for certain things is okay, but it's probably not a good sign if you feel like s/he is all you have and everything in your life is dependent upon what s/he says, does or thinks, or if your partner totally relies on you to give value or meaning in his/her life. It's also so important that, if you don't feel like you are in a safe or healthy relationship, you have a support system of friends and/or family so that you can get out of that situation and not have to deal with everything on your own.
Q: Why do I still need to use latex if my partner is HIV+ too?
A: It is important to still always use latex barriers to protect yourself and your partner during anal, oral, or vaginal sex, even if you have both tested positive for HIV. First, there are different strains of the virus and one of you could end up getting sicker if you are infected with a strain that was not already in your body. That complicates the body's fight against HIV. If your partner has become resistant to certain meds (meaning there are drugs that his/her body doesn't respond to) s/he can pass that resistant strain of HIV on to you. If this happens, then your meds may not work for you anymore and there may be fewer possible drug combinations for you to try. In addition to these HIV-related issues, there are so many other STIs out there. You need to keep using protection, especially now that you have HIV, because with your immune system weakened, you are even more susceptible to other infections, including STIs. Having to fight another unnecessary infection is definitely not what your body needs, and it would impair your health in general. Whether you are positive or not, it's always a better idea to be safe and protect yourself.
Updated March 2008
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