Communicating
with Your
Partner
Most people agree that the ability to effectively communicate with others
can have a huge impact on interpersonal relationships. Learning how to say
what you
mean in a way that others will understand can eliminate many stresses on
relationships. Take a look at our favorite tips for general communication,
communicating in
disagreements, and communicating about sex.
In General Communication
- Be Aware of Non-Verbal Signals. Our
body language-facial expressions, posture, eye contact all change the meaning
given to our words. Our voice expressions-tone, volume, rhythm all show
the feeling in our words. Work to match your non-verbal communication with
what you are saying so that your message carries the meaning that you want.
- Listen. Indicate that you
are paying attention by nodding your head or using brief statements. Do
not interrupt when you are listening. Let the speaker finish speaking before
you jump in. Keep an open mind and be non-judgmental.
- Paraphrase and Ask Questions. Repeat
back what you think you've heard someone say and use summary statements.
Ask questions to clarify statements. These techniques help you to avoid
misunderstandings.
In an Argument or Disagreement
- Delay Your Reactions. Don't
jump to conclusions. Give yourself time to process what was said and understand
the speaker's feelings before you respond. Wait until you have all the
information so you don't you make inaccurate assumptions.
- Don't Make Generalizations. Be
specific and direct. Concentrate on the particular personal issue. Do
not change the subject-stick to the issue until it is resolved.
- Use "I" Statements. "I" statements
help to express your own feelings, attitudes and desires. Using these types
of messages will avoid putting the other person on the defensive. Saying
things like "I am feeling unhappy…" allows you to express your feelings
without criticizing the other person.
About Sex
- Discuss Abstinence, Sex, and Safer
Sex. You have the right to decide whether or not you want to
have sex, and you should discuss this decision either way. If you decide
not to have sex, talk about this with your partner. If the other person
does not respect your decision, then he/she is not respecting you. If you
decide you might want to have sex, plan a time to talk about what you
want before you are intimately involved. Be honest about your sexual
history and your sexual health. Discuss and make mutual decisions on
your safer sex options. Go together to get tested for sexually
transmitted infections (STIs).
- Seek Clarification. If you
are getting mixed messages about what another person wants, especially
if it is during sex, ask about these messages. It can be sexy to
ask someone what she/he wants—be specific. If someone isn't sure
whether they want to do something or not, assume the answer is no and stop.
It is okay
to wait until you are sure.
- "NO" Can Be Said Many Ways. "No" never
means "maybe" or "yes." Silence is not consent—if your partner
is not responding, stop and ask whether what you are doing is okay.
To give consent, a person must be physically and mentally capable
of making
the decision—if a person is unconscious, intoxicated, or
under the influence of drugs, she/he cannot give consent.
- For More Tips … Check
out our feature on safer sex,
which includes information on communication as well as the "how-to's."
MORE INFORMATION >>
Relationships >> What
Is Healthy? :: Partner Communication :: Feeling
Words :: Quotes & Perspectives
Related Articles >> Bill of Dating Rights :: Dating
Violence Warning Signs :: Dating Violence Resources
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