HIV/AIDS and the Young African American Woman
It
is not in our nature to keep quiet. So do what comes
natural …
GET
YOUR TALK ON!
Expressing Self-Love Through The Decisions We Make
Did
you know that … African Americans now represent
36 percent of all reported AIDS cases and 43 percent of new
AIDS cases, even though African
Americans comprise only 13 percent
of the U.S. population.*
African
American women have the highest percentage (60 percent) of
all AIDS cases reported among women, 64 percent of new AIDS cases among
women,
and three times the number of new cases reported among white
women.*
Shocked? Don't be shocked.
Be safe!
We have the power to take control of our lives! HIV/AIDS affects African
American women more than women in any other ethnic group. It's time we
use the most
powerful tool we have to fight the battle against HIV (human immunodeficiency
virus)—
Communication!!!
Many of us sistas
find talking about sex difficult. Our partners may get angry or defensive.
They sometimes feel that we are accusing them of something or that
we don't trust them. Talking is especially hard when a young woman
has an older partner because the older partner tends to have more
power in the relationship. Often, we look to the older partner for
information about protection against pregnancy and HIV and may get
wrong information. An older partner usually has more sexual experience
and is more likely than the younger partner to have prior experience
with illegal substances. Both of these factors increase the older
partner's risk of being infected with HIV and put the younger partner,
too, at risk.
Some of us disassociate ourselves from HIV/AIDS. We may
choose not to talk about the epidemic because we believe
the government created HIV to get rid
of African Americans. The truth is—no one really knows where or how HIV
first infected people. What we do know is that it exists and that
there are ways to prevent infection.
This
pamphlet gives tips on talking with our partners about
several important issues:
- Relationship
expectations
- Past
and present sexual relationships
- Past
and present drug use
- Contraceptive
use
- Testing
for HIV and STIs.**
Talking about
these issues will be easier if we:
- Set
up a mutually convenient time to talk
- Choose
a neutral, relaxing environment where no one will feel
like he/she is being interrogated
- Make
sure that we use "I" statements when talking.
For example, I would feel more comfortable if we
used a condom.
So,
with these things in mind, let's get our talk on!!!
Relationship
Expectations
When a relationship begins, we may assume
that it's monogamous. We
shouldn't assume anything!! We need to talk with our partner about
expectations for the relationship and discuss what monogamy means to each of
us.
Surveys
show that when monogamy is not discussed and a partner
cheats, the cheating partner tends to justify him/herself
because the couple set no ground rules. Many people
contract an STI when a partner has unprotected sex
with someone outside of the relationship.
We need to communicate
to our partner our feelings about infidelity. If we have zero tolerance
for cheating, we should communicate to our partner that infidelity
will end the relationship. We also need to make clear to
our partner that a main concern about fidelity is protecting the
health of both partners.
Helpful
Hints
- Being
a good listener means letting a partner
know that we hear, understand, and care about
what he/she is saying and feeling.
- If
you suspect your man is cheating, arguing
won't help. The situation calls for calm, clear
discussion.
If we can't discuss the situation calmly,
we can set another time to talk.
Past and
Present Sexual Relationships
Many people—both male
and female—feel that their past sexual relationships
are not the business of the current sexual partner. Someone who feels this
way might say, "You weren't in the picture then. What we need to do
is concentrate on us and the present."
Sound familiar? REALITY
CHECK!! When we have unprotected sex with
a partner, we are having sex with everyone the partner has had unprotected
sex with. Think about it!
Helpful
Hint
- Don't
let fear of how a partner might react stop you
from talking with him/her. Be assertive! When a partner does
not want
to discuss sexual histories, we can't just let
the subject end there. We must make sure he/she knows that
the relationship
won't work if we can't communicate. We won't know where
we're going unless we know where we've been!
Past or Present
Drug Use
Many
people tend to forget that HIV is also transmitted through
sharing needles.
|
 |
In
fact, the number one route of HIV infection
for African American women is having unprotected
intercourse with an injection drug user.
We need to know whether our partners use
or have ever used drugs. We also need to
keep in mind that being under the influence
of alcohol or other drugs impairs reason
and judgment. So, using substances may also
impair our ability to protect ourselves.
Alcohol and other drugs don't mix well with
safer sex! |
Contraceptive
Use
We
should always use condoms when engaging in sexual intercourse
(vaginal, oral, or anal) to prevent HIV, STIs, and unplanned
pregnancy.
Now
that female condoms are available, we can't excuse
ourselves by saying, My partner refuses to
wear one! Female condoms are available in
drug stores and are an effective, female-controlled
barrier method. Using a condom may be easier said
than done, but it's definitely possible. We need
to remember that this isn't an issue of trust.
It's an issue of health, and it can be a matter
of life or death! It's better to lose a relationship
than ruin your life. No condom, no sex! |
 |
Helpful
Hints
Some
people think that condoms decrease the pleasure of
sex. But, using lubricants with condoms may enhance
our pleasure:
- Shopping
together for condoms can give us time to talk
- Some
male condoms have now been designed to increase
a woman's sexual enjoyment
- Putting
a condom on a partner can be an intensely sensual
and pleasurable activity —for both partners!
HIV/STI Testing
Getting
tested and treated for an STI can be life-saving. An untreated
STI leaves a sista more vulnerable to HIV infection. Many
people don't know they have an STI because they may have
no symptoms. We can't tell if people are clean just
by looking at them! Anybody who has ever had unprotected
sex or shot up should get tested and should make
sure her partner gets tested, too!
Helpful
Hints
- You
can contact your local health department
for the location of the nearest site
where HIV/STI testing is performed free of charge.
- Talking
about getting tested can be very uncomfortable
for you and your
partner. Make sure that what needs to be
said is said. But also listen to your partner's feelings
and concerns. No matter
what, you can't afford to decide not to have
this conversation with your partner!
- Partners
may prefer to get tested together.
Talking about relationship
issues is not easy. But, just as we are worth the wait, we are worth
the talk! The helpful hints given in this pamphlet may not make talking
any easier, but at least they will provide a few tools to help get
the conversation started. It really boils down to one thing:
We
have to love ourselves enough to want what is best
for us!!!
Happy
Chatting!!!
If you have any questions,
you can call the National CDC AIDS hotline at 1.800.CDC.INFO.
Advocates for Youth is dedicated to creating programs and promoting policies
that help young people make informed and responsible decisions about their
sexual and reproductive health. We provide information, training, and advocacy
to youth-serving organizations, policy makers, and the media in the U.S. and
internationally.
Author: Quanitta Favorite
About the Author: Quanitta Favorite, peer educator at Advocates for Youth,
is an African American woman, age 20, committed to educating other young African
American women about the HIV/AIDS epidemic.
The author is grateful for the assistance and support of Jane Norman, Monique
Henderson, Kayla Jackson, Sarita Edwards, Sabrina Freeman, Tiffany Jackson,
Marcela Howell, Michelle Gilliam, L. Michael Gipson, and Debra Hauser.
Editor: Sue Alford
Design: William Henry Washington, III
ISBN:0-913843-41-5
To order copies of this publication, contact Advocates' Publications Department
at 202.419.3420.
* Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention. [www.cdc.gov]
Atlanta, GA: The Center, 1999.
** Sexually transmitted
diseases
© 1999 Advocates
for Youth—Helping young people make safe and responsible decisions about
sex
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