I
Think I Might Be Lesbian, Now What Do I Do?
A Brochure by and for Young Women
Also available
in [PDF] format.
What Does It Mean to
Be Lesbian?
Lesbians are
women who love women. Lesbians are sexually attracted to other women and
their sexual feelings toward other women are normal and natural for them.
Lesbians
say they feel emotionally and spiritually closer to women and prefer intimate
relationships with women. Experts estimate than about one out of 10 people
may be lesbian or gay, and many historically famous women were lesbians.
Lesbians include teachers, doctors, lawyers, factory workers, police officers,
politicians,
ministers, movie stars, artists, mothers, nuns, truck drivers, models,
and novelists. Lesbians are white, black, Asian, Hispanic,
and Native American.
They may be Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, or Buddhist. Lesbians may be
rich, poor, working class, or middle class, young or old.
Some lesbians are in
heterosexual marriages. Some lesbians are disabled.
How Do I Know if I'm Lesbian?
I
had always been attracted to girls. I remember having crushes [on girls] since
the third grade though I didn't consider myself a lesbian. In the third grade,
I didn't even know what a lesbian was. It didn't dawn on me until the seventh
grade that… hey, I'm a lesbian.
Kristine, Michigan, age 16
Well, knowing was never the question. It was
accepting it that was [the question]. I started being
attracted to girls at age seven, so I knew that
I wasn't straight. It just took me a while to say to myself, I'm a lesbian
and I'm okay.
Lenore, Illinois, age 16
During adolescence,
most young women begin to be aware of sexual feelings and to take
an interest in dating. Many young women feel physically
attracted to men. But other
young women feel physically attracted to
women.
You may notice that you feel "turned
on" by other women. You may feel different from your girlfriends, like
you don't fit in sometimes. When your girlfriends are checking out the guys,
you may find yourself checking out other women. Going out with men may not
interest you. You may find yourself wondering, "Why aren't there
any men like these terrific women I keep meeting?"
You may also feel confused or unsure about whether or not you're a
lesbian. You may feel confused because you're attracted to both men
and women,
and that's okay. Some women have relationships with both men and women
throughout their
lives. Some women eventually decide to be exclusively lesbian or exclusively
heterosexual. Sexuality usually develops over time, so don't worry
if you aren't sure.
Am I Normal?
People
tend to focus on the sex part of homosexuality … that's what
they picture. They don't understand that there is love involved,
too. Whoever you fall in
love with, that is normal sexuality. Normal is in the eye of the
beholder.
Kristine, Michigan, age 16
Normal is different for every individual. I cannot dictate someone else's
life, body, or anything else by my standards. I tend to laugh at people who
are close-minded. Also, I speak up in school when anyone makes the slightest
homophobic comment.
Rachel, Maryland, age 17
Yes, you are normal.
Many people are lesbian. Many experts agree that a person's sexual
orientation is determined at a young age, even as early
as birth. It's normal and
healthy to be yourself, whether you're gay or straight. What's
really important is
learning to like yourself.
What Is It
Like to be Young and Lesbian?
Difficult—some days I don't want to be gay.
But, I just love women too much to ever dream of hiding it again.
Red, Australia, age 20
I used to be confused by that part of my personality; but, through time,
it became a very important and precious part [of me]. It is hard to deal with
other people, but at least I'm not lying and that makes me feel good. I have
a right to be who I am, and I am willing to fight for it. This is not to say
that it s been easy, because at times it s unbearable, but if I could change
my sexual orientation, I would not.
Jessie, New York, age 16
There's no right way
or wrong way to be a lesbian. Growing up with society's stereotypes
about lesbians might make you think you have to be a certain
way if you're a lesbian.
Your sexual orientation is only one part of who you are. You
probably have hobbies and interests that are the same
as those of some of
your straight
friends. Homophobia means some people don't accept lesbians
and gay men, and lesbian and gay people often suffer
from discrimination
and
violence. That's
why there are many gay and lesbian organizations that work
for gay and lesbian civil rights.
What about
HIV/AIDS?
I
believe that if you're going to have sex, have it safely
even if you are a lesbian. I am a virgin. But, if I was
with someone and we were having sex,
it would be protected sex. Before we did that though, we'd
both get tested, and if she refused, then maybe I should
rethink being with her.
April, Michigan, age 16
I insist on safer sex. Despite the rumor that dykes are indestructible,
I m not taking any chances. I always tell my partner, up-front, that I demand
safer sex.
Rayne, Pennsylvania, age 17
My principle is, if you're not ready to talk about safer sex with your
partner, then you're probably not ready to have sex. It's imperative to know
the risks you may be encountering.
Annie, Minnesota, age 17
Everyone should know
about HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, how it's transmitted,
and how to prevent infection. You and your partner should
discuss your risk
factors
and hers
for HIV infection and decide what safer sex methods to
use. Lesbians
who are at risk are those who:
- Share
needles if using injection drugs
- Have
vaginal intercourse with men without using condoms
(Remember that it's fairly common for young lesbians
to have sexual contact with men at least occasionally.)
- Have
oral sex with an infected woman without using
barrier protection.
Here's how to reduce
your risk of HIV infection and other STIs.
- Do
not shoot up drugs. Sharing needles is the most dangerous
behavior for putting you at risk of HIV infection.
- Communicate
with your partner. You do not have to have sex.
- Choose
activities other than sex to show affection: hugging,
kissing, talking, massage.
- Use
a dental dam or other latex barrier for oral intercourse.
A dental dam is a square piece of latex about five
inches on each side, designed for use in dental surgery,
and available at dental and medical supply stores.
A latex condom, cut down the middle, or plastic wrap
can also be effective.
- Use
a latex barrier like surgical gloves when stimulating
a partner with your fingers, especially if you have
even the smallest cut or rash on your hands.
- Always
use a condom if you have sexual intercourse with a
man.
How Do I Learn
To Like Myself?
Talking
to someone is the best help that I found. It makes you
feel less alone. Movies, books, and web sites are helpful
when there's no one to ask about stuff or when you're feeling
down or embarrassed to talk about something. I use a gay
and lesbian chat room; it helps me find people to talk
to.
Red, Australia, age 20
It helps to learn to look inside yourself and to see
that the gay part of your personality exists together with,
not separate from and not in spite of, all other parts
of yourself. It helps to see how everything you do or are
is somehow affected by your sexual orientation. I often
look back on everything that's happened and cannot imagine
not being gay.
Jessie, New York, age 16
Everyone
needs to feel good about him/herself. All people are
valuable. Developing self-esteem is very important for
young people,
and it can be difficult for gay and lesbian youth to
feel good about themselves when many people around them
believe
that lesbians and gays are sick or perverted or destined
to live unhappy lives. Feeling like you have to hide
who you really are could make you feel like hurting yourself,
taking senseless risks, using alcohol or other drugs,
or
attempting suicide. You may feel isolated, fearful, and
depressed, especially if you've had no one to talk to
about being lesbian. But, more and more young lesbians
are learning
to like themselves.
You can find help by reading good books by and about
lesbians - books with accurate information about lesbians
who are
leading fulfilling lives. Meeting
other lesbians helps, too, because then you discover that lesbians are as
diverse as any other group of people and that society
is full of misinformation about
lesbians. You can say to yourself every day, "I'm a lesbian and I'm
okay." Find
someone to talk to who also believes that lesbians are okay. Check out Advocates
for Youth's web sites, www.youthresource.com and www.ambientejoven.org.
These web sites are developed by and for young lesbian and gay people. Over
15,000 young gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth visit the sites
each month; many visit repeatedly. You will find a community of support.
Remember that it's normal and natural to be lesbian, just like it's normal
and natural
to be heterosexual.
Whom
Should I Tell?
When
you feel confident, the best person to tell is the
person that you believe will accept you and love you
for who you
are.
Lenore, Oregon, age 16
There's never a definitely good time to tell a person because telling does
reconstruct someone s view of you, liberal or not. So, it's always a bit of
a jolt to the person you inform. But, once you've gotten over that hump, then
if they react positively, you re home free. It's when they turn cold and don't
speak to you that you know they weren't your friends to begin with.
Rayne, Pennsylvania, age 17
Coming
out is the process of accepting yourself as a lesbian
and figuring out how open you want to be about your
sexual
orientation. A lot of people don't understand about
lesbians, and it may be hard to know who will listen
and be supportive.
Some friends will accept you. Others may turn away
from you or tell other people without your permission.
Telling
family can sometimes be difficult. Some families are
highly supportive, and some are not. Start slow. Chose
a friend
your own age, a sibling, parent, or other adult, such
as a guidance counselor, social worker in your school
or in
a local counseling or youth-serving agency. It's important
to talk with someone you can trust because it's not
normal or healthy for young people to have to keep
secret such
an important part of their lives.
How
Can I Find Other Women Like Me?
I
finally had the nerve to go to a GLBT youth group.
I don't think I uttered even ten words for about
a month. I was
just in awe that there were people who felt just
like me. It was a wonderful thing.
Kristine, Michigan, age 16
Make
contact with local women's organizations, such
as the National Organization for Women (NOW). Many
colleges
and universities
have campus women's and gay and lesbian organizations.
Check the phone book for a local hotline and ask
local gay and lesbian organizations about gay and
lesbian
youth groups in your area. Look for a local gay
and lesbian newspaper.
Check with local bookstores, health food stores,
and gay bars for copies.
Adapted from a brochure from the Campaign to End
Homophobia. Special thanks to Tsipporah Liebman.
Advocates for Youth
www.advocatesforyouth.org | www.youthresource.com | www.ambientejoven.org
Click here to view the Publications
Catalog and/or to order this publication.
 Send this page to a friend >>
|
