I Think I Might Be Bisexual, Now What Do I Do?
A Brochure
by and for Young People
Also
available in [PDF] format.
What Does It Mean to Be Bisexual?
Being bisexual means we have
the potential to be attracted to either sex. Some bisexuals,
like me, may be attracted to each sex in a different way;
but basically, we are capable of loving people of either sex.
Mikey, United Kingdom, age 14
You might find that you like both sexes equally, or you might like one sex more than the other.
It depends on you.
Irene, Ireland, age 19
Bisexual people have the capacity to love people
of either gender. This can include physical, sexual, and emotional attraction
to and/or relationships
with men and women. Over time in life, a bisexual person might feel equally
attracted to men and women or to one gender in preference to the other. The
strength of these attractions may change over time. Being bisexual does not
define either one's lifestyle or sexual behavior. Bisexual people may be
monogamous or abstinent or may have multiple sexual partners, just like heterosexual
and
lesbian and gay people. Many people are bisexual and bisexuality cuts across
distinctions of race/ethnicity, gender, age, class, ability, and religious
affiliation. You are not alone, and you are likely to meet bisexual people
just about anywhere you go.
How Do I Know If
I'm Bisexual?
There
is a lot of confusion at first. Society teaches that
people can only be one way or the other [gay or straight]
or that bisexuality is a stage or a phase,
and one doesn't stay there for very long. But once
past the confusion, you'll know you are bisexual as
surely as your pal knows she's straight and your other
pal knows he's gay.
Eric, Colorado, age 24
I always knew I was attracted to women, but I felt a pull towards men as well.
Suzanna, Maryland, age 17
Determining your sexuality can be highly
confusing. Teenagers often feel a lot of pressure to choose to define
themselves as being heterosexual or homosexual. You might feel that you
do not fit either of these categories, and you may notice that you are
'turned on' and have sexual feelings about both your own and the other
gender. These feelings may indicate you will identify as bisexual. Keep
in mind, however, that you do not have to prove you are bisexual. There
is no test for bisexuality.
A bisexual person may have one committed relationship that lasts for
decades. Many bisexual people have no sexual relationships or have these
relationships
with people of only one gender; yet, they still consider themselves bisexual.
Some people have relationships with people of their own and the other
gender, yet do not identify as bisexual. It all comes down to what makes
you feel
most comfortable and what you perceive yourself to be. Don't worry about
not knowing
for sure. Sexuality develops over time, and you should feel no pressure
to identify in any particular way.
Am I Normal?
You
are normal. Sexuality is just another part of what makes each person
an individual.
Scott, Louisiana, age 16
Absolutely! Being bisexual is very
natural. It's a part of who I am. How can loving people be unnatural?
Heather, Massachusetts, age 20
Yes, it is perfectly
natural for some people to be bisexual and to feel attracted to people
of each gender. Sexual feelings towards women and men are perfectly
natural and normal for bisexual people. In the United States, society
does not
encourage bisexuality, and that can make accepting your bisexuality
more difficult.
But just like lesbians, gays, and straight people, you are perfectly
normal.
What Is It Like
to Be Young and Bisexual?
I
find a lot of pleasure in my sexuality. It's a natural
part of me and not hiding or changing it
gives me a real sense of freedom to be myself.
Yvette, Australia, age 24
It is hard to be a bisexual
youth. Most people don't give us enough
credit—they think we are too young to
know, or that we are going through a phase.
Todd, South Carolina, age 20
This is a difficult question
to answer. There is no particular lifestyle attached to bisexuality.
Bisexual people come in all
shapes and sizes, from all sorts of occupations, and with all
levels of
education. Bisexuals
may or may not be in relationships. Your sexual orientation
does not determine who you are or what you do. You may
choose to spend your time
and energy
on friendships or studies. Bisexuals may, however, suffer discrimination
or violence
because of misperceptions and prejudice from people who are
straight,
gay, or lesbian. This is why organizations work for bisexual
rights and to alleviate
misperceptions about bisexual people.
How Can I Avoid
HIV, Other STIs and Involvement in unintended Pregnancy?
Abstinence
from sexual intercourse is the surest way to avoid unwanted
pregnancy, HIV, and other STIs. Many young people—gay,
straight, or bisexual—choose activities
other than sex to show affection, such as hugging, kissing,
talking, and message. If you do choose to have sexual intercourse,
be responsible
and
protect yourself
and your partner. Depending on the gender(s) of the people
involved in the relationship, there are several things
you should consider:
- Woman & Woman—Use a barrier
(such as a dental dam, latex gloves, or plastic wrap)
to reduce the risk of HIV/STI transmission.
- Woman & Man—Use a condom at
every act of anal, oral, or vaginal intercourse to reduce
the risk of HIV transmission
and pregnancy. For best results, use another form of
birth control and a condom.
- Man & Man—Use a condom and
plenty of lubricant at every act of anal intercourse.
Use a condom for oral intercourse
as well.
Any Sexual
Relationship—Remember to always use water based lubricants
with condoms. Oil based lubricants can break down latex.
Remember that blood-to-blood contact is the most direct
route for HIV transmission. Sharing
equipment or needles—for using drugs, taking medications,
or piercing or tattooing the body—is dangerous since
blood may be
left on the used equipment or needles. Always use new
needles and other equipment or else clean the needles/equipment
by rinsing
several times with bleach, then with water.
How
Do I Learn
to Like
Myself?
Know
that you are special, you are not an
anomaly. Surround yourself with supportive
people.
Maia, North Carolina, age 20
The only way you will like yourself is to be yourself. Don't let other
people's bigotry make you feel bad about who you are.
Scott, Louisiana, age 16
Coming to terms with your bisexuality can be difficult. However,
many people
have difficulty learning to like themselves, regardless of their sexual
orientation. Many people also have difficulty understanding bisexuality,
and some bisexual
people may try to hide their bisexuality. In an effort to numb the effects
of societal stigma, bisexual youth may turn to drugs and alcohol and
may even attempt suicide because their situation seems unbearable. Millions
of other
bisexual people - just like you - lead successful, happy lives. It helps
to be informed and to know that you aren't alone. Read about bisexuality.
Learn
what it means to be bisexual. Make an effort to meet other bisexuals
-
they can be a valuable resource to build your self-confidence.
Advocates for Youth has web sites by and for young people who are gay, lesbian,
bisexual, and transgender (GLBT), www.youthresource.com and www.ambientejoven.org.
You may wish to visit these web sites. More than 15,000 gay, lesbian, bisexual,
and transgender youth visit them each month; most of them visit repeatedly.
Or, there may be a GLBT youth group in your area. Just remember that there
are bisexual people wherever you are. Sooner or later you will meet someone
who feels some of the same things you do and has had similar experiences.
Realizing that you are not the only bisexual person will make liking yourself
a lot easier.
Whom Should I Tell?
It's
a good idea not to come out until you are comfortable with your bisexuality.
Don't come out because you feel you must, because people are pressuring
you, or because you want to be cool and make an impression. Come
to think of it,
those are also not good reasons to stay in the closet. Just take it
at your own pace. This isn't about other people, only you.
Steven, age 20
I find coming out less difficult the more you do
it. The first time is really hard, but it gets easier. It is also
very liberating.
Maia, North Carolina, age 20
The first person I told I was bisexual
was a new boyfriend. I wanted to be completely honest with him about
myself and let him get to know the real me. I told him, I fell in
love with a woman once. He smiled and said, What a coincidence. Me
too.
Tess, Virginia, age 25
Coming to terms with your own sexuality
can be very difficult. In fact, the hardest person you may ever
have to tell is yourself!
Only tell others when you feel you are ready. It's not always easy.
Some people
might
be very receptive, while others might not be able to handle the
information as well as you had hoped they would. Sometimes it might
be easier
to talk about your sexuality with someone you know will understand,
such
as a friend,
sibling,
parent, guidance counselor or other trusted adult. You may also
find someone to talk with through the Internet or at youth groups.
Reaching
out can
help ensure you have support as you talk about your sexuality.
You might be surprised
at the relief you will feel when you know others understand you.
How
Can I Meet Other Bisexual
People?
If you decide to come out openly, you
may find some bisexuals walking right up to you!
Steven, age 20
Currently, I am a member of a community queer youth group in my area, and it is a great way to meet people.
Suzanna, Maryland, age 17
It may be difficult to believe,
but bisexual people are all around you! How can you meet
them?
- Check
to see if there is a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender
(GLBT) youth group in your community. Call a
local gay and/or lesbian organization for assistance
in finding a youth group.
- Check
the phone book for a local hotline and call for support
and information about local GLBT groups.
- Look
for local GLBT newspapers. Check local bookstores,
health food stores, and gay bars for copies.
Adapted from a brochure
from the Campaign to End Homophobia. Special thanks to Jessie Gilliam.
Advocates
for Youth
www.advocatesforyouth.org | www.youthresource.com | www.ambientejoven.org
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