Talking With TV: A Guide to Starting Dialogue With Youth

Television is here to stay. Adults and young people already dedicate the majority of their free time to watching it. Instead of trying to avoid TV and its messages, use TV to improve communication with your children.

The first step is to watch more television—and to watch it with your children.

Everyone needs time for themselves, especially at the end of the day. When kids are being entertained by TV, you can take a look at the newspaper, catch up with friends on the phone or cross another item off the seemingly endless list of household chores. But when the shows children watch distort or make light of sexuality or violence, or fail to reflect your personal and family values, it is important to find opportunities to temper these messages and broaden young people's understanding and critical thinking skills.

Many experts agree that people of all ages absorb values from their cultural environment, often unconsciously. Television teaches values constantly. From the commercials, children learn that having a particular toy will make one popular and happy; older people fixate on health ads to feel younger again, adults pick the brand of beer that will make them the life of the party.

Watching fictional programming, kids may misunderstand sarcasm or view humor as truth, find violence on every street corner or expect quick encounters leading to romantic happiness.

On the news, we and our children hear that corruption, scams and incompetence pervade every level of our society, that athletes are rewarded for playing when injured, that winning is everything and that violence is an acceptable way to express frustration.

Parents may want to clarify these messages and teach their children alternatives values and approaches. But to do that, parents have to open lines of communication on sensitive subjects. And TV is an excellent tool to do just that.

When you watch "their" shows with young teens, you will find new ways to start conversations on a host of sensitive issues. Watching their programs helps you participate in your kids' lives—to learn what amuses them, what distresses them—to listen to what they are hearing from television. In the end, watching together becomes more important than what you watch!

Close-Up: What's On?

Beyond comedies and dramas, a variety of new show formats are grabbing teens' attention.

Talk Shows. Donahue was just the beginning. With Ricki, Oprah, Montel, Richard, Leeza, Geraldo, Jerry, Sally, Maury, Gordon, Jenny, Danny, and Tempestt all on the air and many others in the wings, and the variety of social, health, relationship and entertainment topics on each day, kids are getting an ear and an eyeful!

News and Entertainment Shows. Starting early in the morning and running late into the night, graphic discussions and provocative stories fill the screen. Political and religious shows and call-in shows are always blunt and to the point. How are young people sorting out all of these differing opinions?

Music Videos. MTV has been on the air since 1980 and has now been joined with VH1. Although most videos last only a few minutes, the combination of the music and visuals can be quite powerful and provocative. Video shows are also part of many other broadcasters' schedules and continue to be popular with children, teens, and adults.

Educational Programming. New cable channels and expanded public programming are offering new approaches to learning. Viewers can watch everything from surgery to civil rights demonstrations. Wired into schools as well, these programs increase access to the sciences, humanities and arts. Sharing time with these shows broadens everyone's horizons.

Feature films. Feature films have been a cornerstone of network programming and main fair for many pay television networks. Whether adopted for TV or run uncut on cable channels, teens are as excited as adults for television premiers.

The bottom line is that TV gets attention. Seize the opportunity to talk with your children. With the right opening, you can provide facts and communicate without embarrassment about conflict resolution, responsible and loving relationships and prevention topics.

Wide-Angle: Be a Pro-Active Viewer

What do you think about what young people are watching? Are some of your values portrayed on TV, are there characters you respect, storylines that help you grow? Think about what your ideal shows would be like. Then decide which shows come close and which ones don't. Brainstorm what messages are missing and which have double messages.

You have to decide which issues and messages to talk about and which ones to let go. Be clear and direct about what you want to talk about. Jump right in, don't avoid the topics yourself by discussing the character's house, job, dog. Focus the conversation on the character's actions, emotions, behaviors. Discuss her/his options in the storyline and the possible consequences of these decisions.

Talk about what is real on TV, what is not and whose reality it is. Do you and your children's perceptions disagree or are they just different perspectives? Transform a show's negative messages into a positive discussion by asking for their views.

If you disagree with or are concerned about your child's views, how can you temper her/his view points? Ask leading and open-ended questions and give them the intellectual room and emotional space to answer. If they know you are going to dismiss their views or disagree with them angrily, they won't open up in the first place.

Remember, one night of family viewing won't be the answer. TV is just a tool to talk with young people—spending time listening and talking with them will make the biggest impression of all.