Parent-Child Communication Basics: An Education Program to Enhance Parent-Child Communication

This 75-minute workplace seminar for parents will introduce them to some basic concepts of effective communication. Participants should be encouraged to utilize the library, the Internet, their local PTA and educational associations, and family and child welfare social services agencies for longer and more in-depth courses in communication. One seminar can accomplish little more than imparting knowledge, opening doors to understanding some of the basics about communication, and encouraging parents to attend other seminars in this series.

The facilitator needs to be comfortable and skilled in human relations, family life, or parenting education.

The seminar is divided into nine sections:

1. Introduction and Review of Agenda, Goal, and Ground Rules
2. Getting Acquainted Communication Exercise
3. What Makes a Family Healthy, Strong, and Successful?
4. Why Is Effective Communication Important?
5. Developmental Tasks of Children and Adolescents
6. Road Blocks and Building Blocks to Effective Communication Exercise
7. Steps of Active Listening
8. Reflecting about Communication With My Children
9. Closing
   a) Summary of Key Elements of Effective Communication
   b) Evaluation.

Forms, transparencies, handouts, and take-home activity sheets for use in the seminar are included in a later section of this notebook. Transparencies, handouts, and take-home activity sheets may be copied and distributed to the participants. (See Suggested Participant's Packets and section on Forms and Transparencies.)

Materials Checklist

The following checklist will help the facilitator prepare for the seminar. It's a good idea to review this checklist before each seminar and make sure everything needed is on hand.

• Overhead Projector and Screen—plus an extra bulb
• Extension Cord—for the overhead projector
• Magic Markers—of the type that can be used on newsprint (not dry erase which has a strong odor and can cause unpleasant side effects)
• Newsprint (Flip Chart), Stand (Easel), and Tape or Push Pins
• 3x5 Cards and Pencils or Pens
• Sign-In Sheets—for participants
• Forms and Transparencies—in order
• Refreshments
• Evaluation Form
• Participant's Packet —one for each participant, plus extras for last minute registrations.

Guide to Setting the Stage

In planning prior to the day of the seminar, consider the following:

• Determine group size. Discussion is more difficult if the group is large. An ideal group is between seven and 15 participants. (This may not be possible due to factors beyond the facilitator's control.)
• Confirm group size through pre-registration to ensure sufficient seating for everyone and plenty of handouts.
• Check out seminar site. All participants should be able to see the facilitator and the overhead projector. The room should be large enough so that all participants can be comfortably seated.
• Put chairs in a circle or semicircle to encourage group discussion. Avoid, if possible, placing chairs in rows.
• Make charts or use transparencies. (See section on Forms and Transparencies.)
• Write the goal of the seminar on a chart. Display the goal prominently throughout the entire seminar. (See section on Forms and Transparencies.)
• Copy transparencies, handouts, and take-home activity sheets. Make sure you have more copies than you have registrants. People who didn't pre-register may show up for the seminar. (See Suggested Participant's Packet and section on Forms and Transparencies.)
• Determine whether translators, signers, or other special assistance will be needed.
• Review curriculum and supplemental materials.
• Determine whether and what refreshments will be available.
• If using an external trainer or facilitator, call three days before and confirm.
• Prepare name tags.

75-minute Seminar Curriculum

• Set up a registration table with sign-in sheets and name tags
• Place chairs in a circle or semicircle to permit maximum participation and ease of conversation
• Organize handouts that will be distributed to participants (See Suggested Participant's Packet.)
• Display chart on easel or wall with the goal of the seminar
• Display charts on easels or walls or set up transparencies to offer the following information: (See section on Forms and Transparencies.)

1. Agenda
2. Goal
3. Ground Rules
4. What Makes A Family Healthy, Strong, and Successful?
5. Why Is Effective Communication Important?
6. Developmental Tasks of Children and Adolescents
7. 10 Road Blocks to Effective Communication
8. Definitions of Road Blocks to Effective Communication
9. 10 Building Blocks to Effective Communication
10. Definitions of Building Blocks to Effective Communication
11. Steps of Active Listening
12. Reflecting about Communication With My Children.

Facilitator's responsibilities:

• Greet participants
• Ask participants to sign in
• Hand out name tags
• Hand out index cards.

Introduction and Review of Agenda, Goal, and Ground Rules

Introduction

• Welcome participants, briefly introduce yourself, and describe your previous experience in leading this seminar or seminars of this kind.
• Personalize your introduction with information about your children or children that are important in your life. You want the group to feel that you care about this issue. If you have a communication learning experience, you might share it with the group.
• Share with the group that participants are not necessarily all parents. Some participants may be surrogate parents, family members, or professional caregivers. Use inclusive language, such as partner and/or significant other (rather than husband and wife).
• Ask participants to complete the evaluation forms (in the participant's packets) and leave them in a designated place after the seminar.
• Discuss length of seminar (75 minutes) and say that you will start and stop on time.
• Discuss housekeeping—restrooms and refreshments.

Tell participants that you will give them handouts and take-home activity sheets as well as supplemental materials to share with their families, friends, and co-workers. Inform participants that the handouts, take-home activity sheets, and supplemental materials will help them continue to build a lifelong dialogue with their children. You can hand out participants' packets at this time or inform participants that you will do so at the end of the seminar. Packets should include copies of the following:

• Evaluation Form and Transparencies
• Handouts and Take-Home Activity Sheet.

Also inform participants about the availability of supplementary resources, if any, for seminar participants.

Review agenda using transparency or chart

1. Introduction and Review of Agenda, Goal, and Ground Rules
2. Getting Acquainted Communication Exercise
3. What Makes a Family Healthy, Strong, and Successful?
4. Why Is Effective Communication Important?
5. Developmental Tasks of Children and Adolescents
6. Road Blocks and Building Blocks to Effective Communication Exercise
7. Steps of Active Listening
8. Reflecting about Communication With My Children
9. Closing.

Review goal using transparency or chart

• To explore basic concepts of effective communication which enhance relationships between parents and their children.

If you use a transparency to display the goal, you should also display the goal of the seminar on an easel or a wall. Keep the chart prominently displayed throughout the seminar.

Be clear that the seminar is an introduction to effective parent-child communication and cannot resolve the concerns or issues of individual participants.

Review ground rules using transparency or chart

Briefly discuss the ground rules. Do not read the transparency or chart, but rather highlight the important concepts. Explain that the following ground rules facilitate a comfortable and respectful environment in which all participants may be active and involved.

If you use a transparency to display the ground rules, you should also display the ground rules of the seminar on an easel or a wall. Keep the chart prominently displayed throughout the seminar.

• Each participant has the right to pass.
• Each participant agrees to respect the confidentiality of the other participants. This means that any personal stories shared in the meeting should stay within the room.
• Each participant agrees to listen with respect and without interruption.
• Participants agree to use "I" statements ("I believe …," "I feel …," and "In my opinion …") when offering thoughts or opinions. This reinforces that people hold a variety of values and that each is offering his/her own opinion.
• Participants agree that everyone has a right to his/her feelings and opinions. Other participants may disagree, and that is their right.
• Participants agree to hear and respect all questions.
• Participants agree to respect differences, including race, religion, color, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, and age among others.
• Participants agree that parenting values may differ.

These ground rules include some of the most basic and important communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, that make individuals feel valued and respected. Ask participants to really focus on using these ground rules here in the seminar and in their relationships with their families, friends, and coworkers in the future.

Getting Acquainted Communication Exercise

10 Minutes

Goal:
To introduce participants and help them feel comfortable with each other and the facilitator

Materials:
3x5 cards with one stem sentence written or printed on each card (Stem sentences are included here as well as on cards in the Forms and Transparencies section.)

Procedure:
The purpose of this exercise is to introduce everyone and to learn something about each other.

Put the cards into a deck with the stem sentences face down. Explain that each person will tell the group his/her name, give the ages of any children (his/her own children or children for whom the participant is attending the seminar) and read the sentence aloud, completing the sentence quickly and honestly. Tell the group that there are no right or wrong answers, just their first thoughts and feelings. Each individual may pass the deck or go to the next card if he/she doesn't want to complete that sentence. Ask the group to try to associate each person's name with the sentence completed.

The facilitator should go first to model how participants will complete the exercise. Then, hand the deck to one participant with the stem sentences down. Ask him/her to introduce himself/herself by name, tell the ages of his/her children, if any, and read the sentence aloud, completing the sentence quickly and honestly. Tell him/her to put the card on the bottom of the deck and pass the deck to someone else. Each person follows the same procedure until everyone has had the opportunity to complete a sentence.

Thank each participant as he/she completes the stem sentence.

If there are more than 10 participants, have them get into groups of three to four. Ask them to go around the small group, giving their names and ages of their children. Choose three or four stem sentences and read one aloud to each group. Each person in the small group responds to the same question just to their small group.

Thank participants for sharing in the small groups.

Stem Sentences:

Hi! My name is … and my children are ages …

Read and complete the stem sentence on the card.

One thing I love about being a parent is …
In my family, I …
I hope my children …
My father would describe my parenting as …
One thing that frustrates me about being a parent is …
One of my favorite books about parenting is …
I'd like to learn …
When I disagree with my children, I …
When my children get really angry, I …
One of my most important rules about parenting is …
My mother would describe my parenting as …
As a parent, I'm learning to …
One word that describes my family is …
One way I've tried to parent differently than my parents is …
Being a parent is …
One thing we do in my family to communicate better is …
My children would describe me as …
A "teachable" moment is …
One thing I really liked that my parents did …
When I feel sad, I …
I'm proud of my children when …
I feel really close to my children when …
Parents should always …
Parents should never …

Participants' responses to the Getting Acquainted Communication Exercise may indicate that they are aware of some key qualities of healthy, strong, and successful families.

What Makes a Family Healthy, Strong, and Successful?

5 minutes

Ask participants to brainstorm functions of healthy, strong, and successful families. What do healthy, strong, and successful families do? What is important to healthy, strong, and successful families? List participants' responses on a transparency or chart.

Relate participants' responses to those they shared during the Getting Acquainted Communication Exercise.

Use the following transparency or chart to review the highlights if participants have not offered the responses. These functions are the "actions" that individuals take in the family—all of which rely on positive communication to ensure that each family member feels capable, loved, and valued.

What Makes A Family Healthy, Strong, and Successful?

• Commitment—Family comes first
• Safety—Families meet the needs of each member; trust and security
• Appreciation—Family members express love often—verbally and nonverbally
• Time together—Quantity and quality are present
• Spiritual wellness—Parents model character and values; actions reflect values
• Coping skills—Parents use and model positive strategies to handle day-to-day pressures
• Communication—Family members express who they are and what they need.

Note for the Facilitator
See the Strengthening Family Relationships handout in the Suggested Participant's Packet section for a more in-depth discussion of what makes a family healthy, strong, and successful.

Why Is Effective Communication Important?

5 minutes

Encourage participants to offer their ideas about why effective communication is important. List participants' responses on a transparency or chart. Use the following five reasons to stimulate the discussion. Acknowledge that other reasons exist and that all the reasons are important.

Why Is Effective Communication Important?

• Because we love our children and want them to grow up happy, healthy, and responsible
• Because our children love us and want our guidance, approval, and support
• Because how, what, and when we communicate helps determine how our children will communicate with others
• Because children learn values from our words, our tones, our postures—they all send messages to our children about our beliefs and values
• Because our children will often need good communication skills to address problems or situations in a positive, healthy and affirming manner.

Developmental Tasks of Children and Adolescents

Briefly review the four major tasks of children and adolescents using the transparency or chart.

Tell the participants that, as their children move from childhood through adolescence to adulthood, the tasks are clarified and addressed in many ways. Parents play a critical role helping their children make this journey successfully.

  Developmental Tasks of Children and Adolescents
To Answer These Questions about Themselves

• Am I Competent?—"What do I do well?"
  Developing skills, abilities, and strengths to prepare for independent lives as adults
• Am I Normal?—"Am I like everyone else?"
  Learning to feel comfortable and at ease with his/her body, thoughts, and feelings while changing from child to adult
• Am I Loving?—"Am I capable of loving others?"
  Learning to contribute to family and society; developing values such as responsibility, respect, and honesty; developing skills of intimacy for healthy relationships
• Am I Lovable?—"Am I loved by others?"
  Learning to be trustworthy and to trust; learning to communicate and listen when others communicate needs, feelings, and desires appropriately.

Communication skills and how they are modeled in a family affects all of these tasks.

Let's look at how we can learn more about effective communication.

Road Blocks and Building Blocks to Effective Communication Exercise

Explain that you will be asking them to participate in a discussion of some common ways that our words, the tone of our voice, and the way we approach someone physically can shut or close the door to communication (Road Blocks) or strengthen and build healthy, respectful communication (Building Blocks). Verbal communication is the words we use; nonverbal communication is how we say the words (our tone, emotions, and body language).

In the tables below are some situations that illustrate Road Blocks and Building Blocks to effective communication. Situations or statements from a child are on the left. Possible adult responses are on the right. Included in the manual are two sets of index cards with adult responses on them. The white index cards are the Road Blocks responses and the blue index cards are the Building Blocks responses. The index cards are numbered to correspond to the situations or statements in the tables below. The facilitator will read the situations or statements and the participants will contribute the responses from the index cards.

Road Blocks to Effective Communication

10 minutes

Pass out one white Road Blocks index card to each participant. If you don't have 10 participants, ask some participants to take two index cards. If you have more than 10 participants, some will not receive a Road Blocks card. Make sure that those who do not receive a card, receive a Building Blocks card.

Display the definitions of Road Blocks transparency or chart. Beginning with the Road Blocks, you should read a situation or statement from the left side of the table below and ask the participant who has the corresponding, numbered response to read it with energy, as a parent or adult who might say it in this situation. Briefly demonstrate how you want the participants to complete this exercise.

Referring to the definitions transparency or chart, explain very briefly what this Road Block is called and what it means. If time permits, you may choose to role play some of the situations. Tell participants that you will give them a handout with all the situations or statements and responses to take home. Road Blocks usually start with judging, critical, or demanding words such as "you should …," "you'd better …," and "you're stupid."

You may close the exercise by asking the group to brainstorm feelings they had as the adult's response was read (i.e., hurt, angry, left out, demeaned, and unheard, among other feelings). Or, you may ask participants to share examples of when they have experienced these Road Blocks.

10 Road Blocks to Effective Communication

Definitions of Building Blocks to Effective Communication

Building Blocks to Effective Communication

10 minutes

Pass out one blue Building Blocks index card to each participant. Follow the same procedure with the Building Blocks exercise. Remember to display the definitions of Building Blocks transparency or chart.

10 Building Blocks to Effective Communication

Definitions of Building Blocks to Effective Communication

Close the Building Blocks exercise with discussion as you did for the Road Blocks exercise. Ask the group to brainstorm feelings they had as the adult's response was read. Offer that Building Blocks help people feel valued, listened to, understood, respected, and/or loved. Stress that listening, especially reflective listening, is emphasized as a Building Block because it is the cornerstone of effective communication.

Review the Road Blocks situations by displaying the 10 Road Blocks to Effective Communication.

Ask participants to construct Building Blocks responses to the Road Blocks situations. You may ask participants to pair up or ask for role play volunteers. Have one participant read the situation and the other participant give a Building Block response. You may also ask individual participants to read the situations and ask anyone in the group to offer a Building Block response.

Distribute copies of the Road Blocks and Building Blocks transparencies—both the definitions and the situation/adult responses—(or refer participants to their packets) and summarize this discussion with the following key points.

• Effective, healthy communication skills can be learned.
• Children deserve to learn communication skills from adults who are honest, respectful, and caring.
• Nobody is perfect. We all sometimes lose our patience and say and do things that we regret. But, we can say we're sorry—and use the Building Blocks to strengthen our relationships.

Collect the index cards and return them to the notebook.

Steps of Active Listening

10 minutes

Discuss the steps of active listening using the following situation: a 16-year-old teen asks his/her mom, "Can I go to the prom?" Encourage participants to use these active listening steps with their families, friends, and coworkers in the future.

Steps of Active Listening

Reflecting about Communication with My Children

5 minutes

Ask participants to pair up with someone else and take turns completing each of the following stem sentences with their partners.

Or, you may distribute blank index cards and ask participants to write their responses to each of the following stem sentences on the card. You may ask each participant to read his/her response. Alternatively, you may collect and shuffle the cards and redistribute them so no one has his/her own card. Say that if someone gets his/her card, it's okay. No one else will know. Ask a few of the participants to share the card's message on reflecting on communication.

Reflecting about Communication With My Children

• Today I learned …
• One thing I am going to do differently than my parents is …
• One thing I am really proud of is …

Closing

5 minutes

• Use the Agenda transparency or chart to summarize key elements of effective communication.
• Thank participants for taking time to participate in the seminar.
• Request participants to complete the evaluation form and leave it on the registration table.
• Review handouts and take-home activity sheets with the participants.
• Thank the sponsor, if any, of the seminar.
• Request that participants recommend the program to their PTA, church, mosque, synagogue, or neighborhood group.
• Remind participants that you are available to answer questions.
• Collect the stem sentence cards and replace them in the envelope in the notebook. Return all transparencies to the notebook.

Next Chapter: Suggested Participant's Packet
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