Robert Selverstone, Ph.D. is a former chair of the U.S. Sexuality Information and Education Council.

For most of us, when we take the time to consider our perspective, we will very quickly recognize that grades in history, and science pale in comparison with our feelings about, and our concern for, our teenagers' health and safety and the quality of their personal and inter¬personal lives. While there may be adults who feel differently, in presentations to thousands of parents, I have yet to find even one such soul. We care first and foremost about the most powerful and enduring aspects of our children's lives, and quickly forget what grades they got in high school chemistry and algebra, The best programs in sexuality education can indeed help students, and they can help parents get the educational assist¬ance that they want for their children in areas relating to health, safety, personal life, and inter-personal relationships.

Programs in sexuality education have been implemented for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately, health has been defined as the absence of illness. From that perspective, sex education frequently was implemented to prevent unwanted pregnan¬cies and sexually transmitted diseases. More recently, health in general and healthy sexuality in particular are seen as the presence of wellness, fitness, and those attributes that contribute to optimal functioning.

Healthy sexuality and sexuality education mean a variety of things. They include the ability to communicate effectively, and to recognize and respect the differences among people's thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Sexuality education seeks to prevent interpersonal exploitation and to foster mutual respect and responsibility by enhancing the self-esteem of young people. It teaches students to take care of themselves and others and to be careful rather than careless in a way that only people who feel good about themselves can. Finally, healthy sexuality education speaks (as will this article) in terms of "sexuality" rather than sex," defining sexuality as the totality of what makes one a woman or a man, and how one deals with both genders. It is a far broader conceptualization than merely focusing on genital behavior— either reproductive or erotic. Thus we use the holistic term sexuality education rather than sex education.

My own work as a teacher of a high school course in Human Sexuality offers ample evidence of why parents seek professional intervention in the sexuality education of their children. Parents appreciate the validity of the statement: "By age 15, all kids have had sex education in the school in hallways, locker rooms, and washrooms." Parents recognize that the choice is really not: "Sex education, yea or nay." Rather, it is a choice between inadvertence and planfulness. Clearly, adults in general, and parents in particular, favor planfulness over inadvertence, discussion moderated by a mature, skilled, and responsible adult versus "bull sessions" and locker room braggadocio, appropriate written and visual learning aids rather than the provocative and exploitative pandering of readily available music, music-video, and salacious films and newsstand media.

Although we insist that children learn the capitals of all 50 states, the meanings of sine, cosine, and tangent, the intricacies of Haiku poetry, and the Periodic Table of Elements (and how much of the above do you remember?), we still deny them the opportunity to learn about their own bodies, the wonders and perplexities of sexuality, and the essential skill of improving their ability to communicate important and sensitive thoughts, feelings, and questions. One cannot possibly believe that the former has greater survival value than the latter.

What a school curriculum is—or should be— is a reflection of what adult society deems is essential for young people to know in order to help them survive and prosper during their adult lives. Let us again consider the meaning of the public's desire for sexuality education.

The current sexually provocative culture, with its multiplicity of messages and options, stands in sharp contrast to the nearly uniform messages calling for postponement of sexual activates. Rather than abdicating responsibility for sexuality education to have it controlled by unconcerned media, parents prefer a thoughtful program mediated by a concerned adult teacher. Even if today were no different from yesterday, few want their children to repeat their own sex miseducation process; in contemporary society, it is seen as irresponsible parenting. Society in general and parents in particular want help in this formidable task. The remaining questions center on (1) What should be done-goals: (2) How should it be done-curriculum: and (3) Who should do it-teachers.

Whenever I have asked adults to articulate the goals of an ideal program in sexuality education, to specify what skills, qualities, characteristics and attributes the participants would wish to see developed from childhood through young adulthood, the results are impressively consistent. Paraphrased, they are:

I want them to develop a sense of valuing and respecting themselves and others, so they will develop a positive self-image and behave in a self-respecting and non-exploitative manner, both socially and sexually.

I want them to feel good about their own sexuality, that sex and love and affection can enrich their lives, and also that one’s sexuality touches some of the most powerful emotions known to us, which if mishandled can lead to pain and unhappiness.

I want them to be able to establish their own standards for behavior, and not be overly influenced by the pressures of their peers or the media.

I want them to be able to communicate effectively and comfortably with their peers and with us, their parents.

I want them to learn how to resolve interpersonal conflicts through discussion and compromise; perhaps they will be able to avoid divorce.

I want them to understand, appreciate and respect their bodies and those of others, both male and female, and to cherish and care for their physical selves.

In general terms, parents seem to want their children to have accurate, age-appropriate information; a chance to explore and express their concerns and feelings; an understanding of and respect for themselves and others, along with others perhaps different ideas, feelings and behavior, non-exploitative interpersonal relationships; and increased ability to communicate, including listening to and speaking with their own parents.

In its broadest sense, this boils down further to: (1) increased knowledge-the Cognitive Domain; (2) increased comfort with and clarity of feelings, values and attitudes- the Affective Domain; and (3) the ability to communicate more effectively. These three are the essential ingredients for young people to develop effective decision-making skills. For most communities, parents, and students, those are the program goals.

Not everyone is suited to teach a course in sexuality education; it needs a special and uniquely qualified person. The most important requisite has to do with the teacher's personal qualities and interpersonal skills. The teacher needs to be someone who is trusted, liked, and respected by students, teachers, administrators, and parents alike, not by all, but by most. One can always learn the data part of the field, but really caring about and respecting young people is paramount, especially if caring and respecting become—as they often do—a principal goal of the entire sexuality education program.