By Elizabeth Schroeder, MSW, Director of ANSWER

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of Advocates for Youth.

The American public has a mixed relationship with television. Some love it, relying on it as a significant source of entertainment. Others see it as a source of comfort, enabling them to unwind after a long day. Some feel bombarded by ads and paid programming, and are frustrated by what they feel is television's intrusive nature. Some see it as a necessary "evil", the electronic babysitter that keeps the kids occupied while they cook dinner, pay bills, catch up with partners, or even try to have a social life. Many are astonished by the highly sexualized subject matter, yet passively accept that, since sexuality is everywhere, there is nothing one can do about what children and teens see.

Regardless of how we feel about television, it is a very real part of our lives—and in particular, of children's and teens' lives. It is a significant source of sexuality information—positive and negative, accurate and inaccurate. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, two out of three television shows have some kind of sexual content, and four out of five have at least two scenes in which sex is discussed openly or portrayed. Only three percent of sexual scenes include talk about any kind of risk reduction or responsibility relating to sexual behaviors. In addition, television gives skewed gender-specific messages, according to Girls, Inc. It does not accurately reflect the gender balance in the American population. Nearly two-thirds of music videos portray women as props or background to the performer(s). And one-third of central female characters in sitcoms are significantly below average weight. The thinner the character, the more positive comments she receives from male characters throughout the show.

These statistics provide the clearest reasons why television should be discussed with young people. How we do so, however, is important.

First, avoid railing against television, particularly with a teen. The minute we criticize a part of teen culture, we lose validity. Instead, we can point out a scene or exchange between two characters, and ask what they thought about this scene or exchange. This will get them to think about the images they see and the messages such images send. And, it will help you understand where they are in terms of sexuality information and messages.

In the context of this discussion, you can also remind your teen that most television is a fantasy. It gives us a view of how our society SHOULD be, but it does not always accurately reflect our society. Parents and educators can let teens know that media images are constructed. This includes everything from the news to cartoons, from commercials to sitcoms. Television has its own language—and the language includes not only spoken word, but setting. It includes what the cast looks like (age, race, ethnicity, gender, etc.). It includes who is missing from the show—lesbian or gay people, older individuals, people of color, whomever. It includes who has power, and who does not. It includes how points are made—through humor, hostility, shock, or anything else—and how viewers respond to those points.

Therefore, one thing you can do is select a show, together, and deconstruct it. Analyze it together. By doing this with teens, we approach them on a mature level. We should not try to convince them that something they have viewed is good or bad. We should, instead, try to make educated consumers out of them.

Here are some other suggestions that parents and other adults with teens in their lives can do:

• Watch TV WITH your kids. Don't plop them down in front of it. On those occasions where you're too busy to sit with them, record the show as they watch it, and watch it after they've gone to bed (but within the next day or so). This will let you do a few things. First, you'll be up on what your kids are watching. And, second, you'll be able to discuss anything that you thought gave an important or positive (or negative) message.
• When you do watch TV together, TALK OUT LOUD to it. If you invited a guest into your home and she or he said something you thought was really wonderful, you'd comment on it, wouldn't you? And if this person said something you found offensive or felt was inaccurate, you would say something as well. So at the commercial breaks, hit "mute," and then talk about what you just saw. "What did you think of what so-and-so said to so-and-so?" "What do you think is going to happen?" "What would you do if you were in so-and-so's place?" "What do you think this story says about [kids, women, people of color, the elderly, gay people]?" Be sure to wait for the break. If you talk nonstop through a television show, you pretty much guarantee that your teen will NEVER want to watch with you!
• Don't forget the ads. We often leave the room when the commercials come on, planning to return to watch the rest of a particular program with our child. However, some of the most sexualized images come in the form of prime-time television commercials. Victoria's Secret's "What Is Sexy" ads, some of which have aired during teen programming such as "Dawson's Creek," are a good example of this.

Now, the greatest challenge many parents face is simply time. You don't have to deconstruct every TV and every ad. Just talk about those that contain "teachable moments." Also, many of you do not have time to watch YOUR favorite television shows, let alone a show that your teens watch. You may have neither the energy nor the tolerance to sit through teen-centered programs. If this is the case, then television may not be the best tool for you to use in talking with your child about sex. You can, however, use these techniques with pretty much any kind of media. Go to the movies with your teen, and talk with her or him about it afterwards. Talk about a magazine your teen reads. You have many options. Try to find a way to make discussions about media fit into your busy schedule, regardless of what type of media it is.

Finally, and above all, be sure to listen to your adolescent or teen. Try not to become too upset when they express views that are contrary to what you believe. It is always important to know what your child is thinking, even if you disagree with it. By making your conversations true exchanges, you can provide them with a point of view they may not have considered before. It's a great way to share your values, and see first-hand how teens are developing theirs.

References:

Girls, Inc. Girls and Media. [Fact Sheet] Indianapolis, IN: Girls, Inc., [2000?].

Kunkel D et al. Sex on TV 3. Menlo Park, CA: The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, 2003.