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by Emily Bridges, Director of Public Information Services
As I was reading this infuriating story Sommer Collins, a high school student suspended for wearing a homemade gay pride t-shirt, I was struck by the matter-of-fact support her parents offered her in both news reports I watched.
“She told me she wanted to make the shirt, and I didn’t see a problem with it……[The school administrator] told me the word ‘homosexual’ refers to a sexual act, and I said no, it refers to a person.” - Sommer’s mother
“If it offends somebody then they need to get over it.” - Sommer’s father
We saw the same thing in Spring during the controversy over Constance McMillen’s bid to take her girlfriend to the Prom, the school’s therefore canceling the prom, and the subsequent events. Throughout the media blitz, Constance’s father was a notable presence, standing by his daughter’s side and speaking up in favor of her rights.
"My daddy told me that I needed to show them that I'm still proud of who I am," McMillen said. "The fact that this will help people later on, that's what's helping me to go on."
The transgender teen Andy Moreno, forbidden by her principal from running for homecoming queen, also has a supportive family:
Reporter Roy Appleton spoke to Andy Moreno's mother, who speaks no English but said through her daughter that she supports her child.
"She said whatever he's up for, she supports," said Daisy Moreno, speaking for her mother, Maria.
It’s natural for a parent to want their child to be happy (and not to be suspended). But what I see in these parents is something new, evidence of changing times. With their children not even out of their teens, these parents are already well past the “We have to talk about your identity” phase and well into the “Your identity is a part of the you that I love” phase.
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by Martha Kempner
The debate over same-sex marriage has gotten a lot of attention this month as a District Court Judge ruled that California’s Proposition 8, under which that state’s voters decided to ban same-sex marriage, was unconstitutional and a panel of other judges ordered a stay on same-sex weddings until further court decisions could be made.
One of the groups responsible for Prop 8, www.protectmarriage.com, explains its objections to such relationships by saying: “Traditional marriage is the foundation of society and has served our state well for centuries. California’s constitutional marriage amendment exists to strengthen society, encourage monogamous and loving marriages and to provide the optimal environment to ensure the well being of children.” Reading that, I had to wonder if anyone in this group has ever asked children what they think about same-sex marriage. Not their own children, of course, they will have heard too much at the dinner table, and not even necessarily the children of same-sex parents who will undoubtedly defend their families, but, say, your average class of three-year-olds.
When my daughter started school last year, I wondered if she would notice that one of her fellow preschoolers had two mommies.
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by Martha Kempner
One of the back-to-school rituals that I remember as a kid was the trip to the pediatrician’s office for the annual check-up which often involved shots. I am petrified of going to the dentist and hate throat cultures but shots never bothered me so I didn’t really think twice about this visit. At this year’s annual visit, parents of young girls 11 and older will likely be offered the option of vaccinating their child against Humanpapilloma Virus (one the most common sexually transmitted diseases) in the hopes of preventing cervical cancer. And, according to a recent article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, many of them will think twice about whether or not to go ahead with the vaccine.
While there are always legitimate reasons to question the healthcare we’re offered for our children (is it safe and does it work being the most obvious and important), the article suggests that many parents are waffling on the vaccine because they fear it sends a mixed message to young girls about sex.
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by Martha Kempner
Anyone who has read my previous blogs (or any of the other blogs) on the Advocates Birds and the Bees blog is pretty familiar with the bottom line – we think it’s really important to talk to your kids about sex. We acknowledge that these conversations can be awkward, after all many of our parents never talked to us about sex. Still, we write these pieces full of encouragement and advice to persuade you to broach the subject – whether it is talking to them about STDs, teen pregnancy, and safer sex, or the more personal issues around body image, self esteem, and relationships, what we really want you to do is talk to your kids openly, honestly, and often.
Today, however, I’m going to throw a little curve ball. Today, I’m going to suggest you have a similar conversation with your parents.
My inspiration for this is actually a brief public service announcement I hear on Howard Stern’s satellite radio show of all places. The PSA began by saying “the Howard Stern show cares about HIV.” I wasn’t surprised to hear that but what did surprise me was that the focus of the announcement was not on teens or young adults but senior citizens in nursing homes. Howard Stern was reminding his listeners that seniors can also be at risk for HIV (and, most surprising of all, he did it without making a single joke about old people getting it on).
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by Martha Kempner
In a blog on Psychology Today’s website, Kathryn Stamoulis, a psychologist who specializes in adolescent sexuality and teens’ internet behaviors, suggests that it’s time we take the stigma out of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and start talking about them as a normal risk of a normal behavior. Her argument is quite logical: STDs are extremely prevalent in our society among both teens and adults, treating them like the ultimate social taboo does nothing to prevent teens from contracting them (years of abstinence-only-until-marriage programs and fear-based education have not reduced teen sex or the transmission of STDs), and what it may actually do is prevent teens from taking important steps to protect and treat themselves (like seeking out regular STD screening).
She suggests that STDs are a normal risk of sexual contact similar to how contracting a cold or a flu is a natural risk of being in close contact with others during the winter. “Just imagine what life would look like if people viewed STDs as a normal part of fooling around,” she writes. “Without fear of tarnishing his reputation, a teenage boy could tell his partner ‘you may not want to get too close to me this week; I'm clearing up a case of Chlamydia.’ Or a teen girl may view getting tested twice a year as routine as she does a teeth cleaning.”
She is absolutely right that stigma prevents many people from seeking the protective behaviors they need—be it buying condoms before having sex or getting tested for STDs afterwards. We do have to change our tone when talking about STDs to get rid of the shame and blame. STDs are a health issue; not a sign of poor morals or bad behavior.
But normal, is that taking it too far?
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