A Lesson Plan from Life Planning Education: A Youth Development Program (Chapter Three)

NOTE:  Life Planning Education (LPE) is currently being revised. The printed/for-sale version includes an older version of this lesson plan. Please make sure you have looked at the PDF of Life Planning Education before purchasing - that is the version that is available to buy. 

Leader’s Resource for the lesson Introduction to Communication

Adolescence is a time of enormous change. Adolescents begin to assert their independence  in thought and action. They also become increasingly responsible for the actions they take. In moving toward independence and responsibility, few skills are more important than the ability to communicate well with others.

Adults often assume that, because a person can communicate, they can communicate well.  Both adults and adolescents may lack important communication skills because they have never learned them.  Good communication skills must be learned.  This unit addresses important skills that can assist the individual to communicate clearly.  Important skills include

• Speaking responsibly about personal opinions and feelings using “I” statements.  When someone uses I to express personal opinions and/or feelings, the speaker takes responsibility for their opinions and feelings and leaves the listener free of any imputation that those thoughts or feelings are the listener’s.  For example, “You don’t care about my feelings!” lays responsibility for the speaker’s hurt feelings on the listener and makes assumptions that may be untrue.  “I feel like you don’t care whether my feelings are hurt” takes responsibility for the speaker’s feeling this way and makes no assumptions about how the listener actually feels.  One statement is accusatory and may provoke an argument, anger, or counter-accusation.  The other leaves the listener free to respond in a variety of ways.
• Giving clear directions is essential as is ensuring that the directions are understood correctly.  Poor directions can cause misunderstanding, inaccurate work, wasted efforts, anger, frustration, and annoyance.  Sometimes, the one giving the poor directions does not understand that they haven’t been clear.  Sometimes, the one receiving the directions fails to ask for clarity.  Important communication skills include both learning to give clear directions and also asking questions to be sure the directions are clearly understood.
• Using appropriate body language improves communication.  People learn body language unconsciously and early in life.  Sometimes, body language gives messages that the sender did not intend.  When body language runs counter to the verbal message that the speaker wants to give, the receiver of the message ends up confused as to the real message.  For example, shaking the head “no” while verbally saying “yes” confuses the message; was that a “no” or a “yes?”  Learning to be consciously aware of one’s own body language is an important communication skill for adolescents to master.
• Being a good listener means hearing not only what has been said but also what was meant and giving feedback that lets the listener know they have been heard.  At this point, the good listener will get further confirmation of what he/she heard or information to correct any misunderstanding of the initial message.  In response to “I feel like you don’t care about my feelings,” a good listener might hear pain in the other person’s statement and respond, “It sounds to me like you are really feeling sad.  Would you like to talk about it?”  Or the listener might hear anger in the remark, “I feel like you don’t care about my feelings!”  The good listener’s response: “You sound like you are really angry, but I’m not sure why.  Would you like to talk about it?”
• Being assertive means speaking up for what one wants and speaking up to refuse what one does not want.  In cultures that encourage adolescents, especially young women, to be quiet and submissive with adults and older males, learning to be assertive is an extremely important skill.  Adolescents need to learn the difference between aggressive, passive, and assertive behaviors and how to communicate their needs and wants clearly.  Perhaps equally important, adolescents need practice and support in communicating assertively.
  

These skills support healthy relationships with friends, family, romantic partners, co-workers, and schoolmates. Good communication is highly important for building a fulfilling life.  Given the importance of good communication skills, it is amazing really that societies generally make no effort to teach these skills. Rather, adults tend to believe that skill in communicating comes with learning language. It does not. Adolescents must be taught communication skills and the importance of continually practicing these skills.  


Life Planning Education, Advocates for Youth, Updated 2009.