Speaking Up for Yourself Print

A Lesson Plan from Life Planning Education: A Youth Development Program (Chapter Three)

NOTE:  Life Planning Education (LPE) is currently being revised. The printed/for-sale version includes an older version of this lesson plan. Please make sure you have looked at the PDF of Life Planning Education before purchasing - that is the version that is available to buy.   

Purpose: To role-play assertive communication skills that allow adolescents to ask for what they need or want

Materials: Leader's Resources: Assertiveness Techniques; Assertiveness Role-Plays for Adolescents 12 to 14 Years Old; and Assertiveness Role-Plays for Adolescents 15 to 18 Years Old; index cards; newsprint and markers or board and chalk

Time: 45 to 55 minutes (Session One); 45 to 55 minutes (Session Two)

Planning Notes:

  • Read the Leader’s Resource, Assertiveness Techniques. Be ready to use this information while facilitating this and later exercises.
  • Remember that behaving assertively may be new for some participants.  Do not allow anyone to tease participants who find this activity difficult.  Encourage everyone to participate and to respect the preferences of people too embarrassed to role-play.
  • Prepare three posters to use for Step 9 of Session One and Step 1 of Session Two. Each poster should identify one of the three communication styles:
    • Aggressive: you communicate what you need or want so forcefully that you intentionally scare or offend another person.
    • Passive: you communicate what you need or want so tentatively, quietly, or submissively that other people may not take your wishes and needs seriously.
    • Assertive: you communicate what you need or want honestly, calmly, and directly, without trying to offend or scare anyone else and without apologizing.
  • For Session Two, select scenarios from the Leader's Resources, Assertiveness Role-Plays for Adolescents 12 to 14 Years Old or Assertiveness Role-Plays for Adolescents 15 to 18 Years Old, or substitute scenarios describing situations that group members have faced.  Write the scenarios on index cards.

Procedure, Session One:

  1. Ask for a volunteer to define assertiveness.  Help the group to understand that assertive behavior means:
    • Stating clearly what you want or need, and defending your right to have what you want or need
    • Asking for what you want
    • Saying what you feel or think
    • Refusing to do what is not in your own best interest
    • Respecting other people and never teasing, threatening, punishing, or humiliating another for disagreeing with you.
  2. Point out that assertiveness means saying what you want in two basic ways: asking for what you want and refusing what you do not want.
  3. Say that, first, we will focus on ‘Asking for what you want.’
  4. Ask the group to think about the following situation:
    Dwayne's uncle won two tickets to a professional baseball game in a neighboring city. He gave them to Dwayne as a reward for bringing his grades up. Dwayne has asked his best friend, Tomas, to go with him.  They have made plans to meet at 10:45 a.m. to catch the bus to the ballpark.  Dwayne knows that Tomas seldom gets anywhere on time.  If they miss the 11:00 a.m. bus, there isn't another one that will get them to the park for the first inning.  How can Dwayne tell Tomas that it is important to be on time and that he will go without Tomas if he isn't there when the bus leaves?
  5. Listen while participants brainstorm about how Dwayne can communicate assertively. Record their ideas on newsprint or the board and add any of the following, if they are omitted.  Dwayne can:
    • Use “I” statements to say what he feels and wants, regardless of whether the feelings are positive or negative.
    • Say firmly and clearly what he wants or needs, without avoiding the subject or apologizing for his requests.
    • Use assertive body language: stand tall, look Tomas in the eye, and keep a serious expression on his face.
    • Refuse to threaten, pressure or put Tomas down.
    • Respect Tomas’ feelings, needs, and explanations, but also be clear about his own feelings and needs.
  6. Ask three volunteers to role-play Dwayne talking to Tomas about being on time. Explain that you will play Tomas and that you want one volunteer to communicate passively, another to communicate aggressively, and the third to communicate assertively. Tell the rest of the group to coach each volunteer by giving advice to the players about how to act.
  7. Begin with passive role-play:
    • Have the first “Dwayne" stand next to you and ask passively for what she or he wants.
    • Act out Tomas’ role.  Repeatedly reassure Dwayne that you will be on time and ask him not to lose faith in you.  Reassure him of your friendship and tell him you are really excited about going to this game.
    • Remind the group to give the volunteer tips on how to communicate passively.
    • At the end of this role-play, ask the volunteers and the group to tell you what behaviors the passive Dwayne used.  List them on newsprint or the board under the heading, “passive.”
  8. Repeat the procedure with the second and third volunteers for the aggressive and assertive role-plays.
  9. Display the posters that summarize the major differences in the three types of  communication:
    • Aggressive: you communicate what you need or want so forcefully that you intentionally scare or offend another person.
    • Passive: you communicate what you need or want so tentatively, quietly, or submissively that other people may not take your wishes and needs seriously.
    • Assertive: you communicate what you need or want honestly, calmly, and directly, without trying to offend or scare anyone else and without apologizing.
  10. Say that the group will process this activity at the end of Session Two.

Session Two

  1. Display the three posters of assertive, passive, and aggressive behaviors.  Say that everyone will practice, in pairs, each asking for what she/he wants.
  2. Review the instructions (which you can also display on newsprint):
    • Each pair will receive an index card with a written scenario in which one person needs to communicate assertively with another.
    • In the pairs, participants will write a script for the speaker to speak assertively, using as many assertive behaviors as they can.
    • Participants will then find another team to work with. Each pair should coach the other pair's role-playing, by suggesting additional or different words or behaviors to strengthen assertive communication.
  3. After the role-play, teams will switch positions and continue.
  4. Distribute the index cards and tell participants they have 10 minutes to work on their role-play.  After 10 minutes, announce that pairs should join together and role-play for each other.  Remind the group that coaching is important.
  5. After another 15 minutes, ask for volunteers to perform their role-play for the entire group. Allow two or three pairs to perform if there is time.
  6. Conclude the activity with the discussion points below.

Discussion Points:

  1. Is it easy to speak up for what you want? What helps you to do so?
  2. How will you feel if you speak up for yourself and still do not get what you want?
  3. Can you think of a situation in which it might be better to be passive than assertive? Give examples.
  4. What should you do if your assertive communication gets a negative response, such as anger or even a direct threat?  (Answers may include but are not limited to: back off and get out of the situation; do not participate in an escalating conflict.)

Life Planning Education, Advocates for Youth, Updated 2009.