A Lesson Plan from Life Planning Education: A Youth Development Program

Purpose: To learn the difference between assertive, aggressive and passive behavior
Materials: Newsprint and markers or board and chalk; scrap paper; pens/pencils
Time: 30-40 minutes

Planning Notes:

When we teach teens to be assertive, we need to also teach them to assess situations and to consider their personal safety. In some situations, speaking up and communicating assertively can be dangerous (if someone has a weapon, has been drinking or taking drugs, is extremely angry and so on).

When you introduce the topic of assertiveness, keep in mind that communicating assertively, especially for women, is not considered the norm in some cultures. Individual cultural teachings regarding assertiveness will vary among your participants. Some will come from families in which speaking up for oneself or refusing a request, especially from an adult or a male, is considered inappropriate.

You do not want to encourage teens to behave in a way that could have unpleasant consequences for them in their cultural or family circles. It is important, however, that all participants understand there are certain situations in which assertive behavior will often yield positive results. (Examples include resisting pressure, from romantic partners or peers, to have sex, use alcohol or other drugs, join a gang or fail in school.)

Be aware that assertive, aggressive and passive forms of communication are defined culturally and regionally. (For example, African American assertiveness is often perceived as aggressive communication from outside the African American culture.)

Write three questions on a newsprint poster for use in Step 4:

1. How will Geneva feel?
2. How will the two girls feel?
3. What is the worst possible outcome?

Procedure:

1. Tell teens that one way to make communication more effective is to choose the appropriate kind of communication in difficult situations. Read the following scenario aloud:
   Geneva has been standing in line for over two hours to buy a concert ticket. The rule is, one person, one ticket. Her feet are killing her and she knows she is in trouble with her mom, who expected her home by now. But there are only five people left in front of her and she is sure she will get a ticket.
   
   Out of nowhere, two girls from school walk up, make a big deal about meeting up with their friend who just happens to be standing in front of Geneva, and take places in line in front of her.
   
   What do you think Geneva should do?
2. Have participants write one sentence describing what Geneva should do in this situation.
3. Allow about three minutes, then ask participants to form three groups based on the following criteria:
• Group 1: All who wrote that they would stand there and get angry but not say anything, move to this area of the room.
• Group 2: All who wrote that they would call the girls names and threaten to hurt them if they did not go to the end of the line, move to the other end of the room.
• Group 3: All who wrote that they would speak up and tell them to go to the back of the line, form a group in the middle.
4. Once the three groups have formed, display the three questions you have prepared and go over instructions for the remainder of the activity. Stay in your groups and discuss the answers to the following questions.
1. How will Geneva feel after making the response you chose?
2. How do you think the two girls who butted in line will feel if Geneva responds like you?
3. What is the worst thing that could happen if Geneva makes your response?(Note: If there is only one person standing in either position, join that person to form a group and discuss the questions with her or him.)
5. Allow five minutes for discussion, then ask everyone to be seated.
6. Ask one participant from each group to share group responses to the questions. Record the major points in three separate columns on the board or newsprint.
7. Write the terms “assertive," “aggressive" and “passive” on the board or newsprint. Ask participants to match each term to the list of outcomes for the responses.
8. Review Geneva's choices for action one more tame and illustrate why assertiveness is usually the best choice in a situation like this.
• Passive response: Behaving passively means not expressing your own needs and feelings, or expressing them so weakly that they will not be addressed.
  
  
• If Geneva behaves passively, by standing in line and not saying anything, she will probably feel angry with the girls and herself. If the ticket office runs out of tickets before she gets to the head of the line, she will be furious and might blow up at the girls after it's too late to change the situation.
• A passive response is not usually in your best interest, because it allows other people to violate your rights. Yet there are times when being passive is the most appropriate response. It is important to assess whether a situation is dangerous and choose the response most likely to keep you safe.
• Aggressive response: Behaving aggressively is asking for what you want or saying how you feel in a threatening, sarcastic or humiliating way that may offend the other person(s).
  
  If Geneva calls the girls names or threatens them, she may feel strong for a moment, but there is no guarantee she will get the girls to leave. More importantly, the girls and their friend may also respond aggressively, through a verbal or physical attack on Geneva.
• An aggressive response is never in your best interest, because it almost always leads to increased conflict
• Assertive response: Behaving assertively means asking for what you want or saying how you feel in an honest and respectful way that does not infringe on another person's rights or put the individual down.
  
  If Geneva tells the girls they need to go to the end of the line because other people have been waiting, she will not put the girls down, but merely state the facts of the situation. She can feel proud for standing up for her rights. At the same time, she will probably be supported in her statement by other people in the line. While there is a good chance the girls will feel embarrassed and move, there is also the chance that they will ignore Geneva and her needs will not be met
  
  An assertive response is almost always in your best interest, since it is your best chance of getting what you want without offending the other person(s). At times, however, being assertive can be inappropriate. If tempers are high, if people have been using alcohol or other drugs, if people have weapons or if you are in an unsafe place, being assertive may not be the safest choice.
9. Conclude the activity using the Discussion Points.

Discussion Points:

1. What are some ways Geneva could have let the girls know how she felt without being directly aggressive or assertive? (Answer: by mumbling sarcastically under her breath; using body language that communicated her disgust and frustration; telling the person behind her how stupid the girls were, but loudly enough so they could overhear and so on. Behaviors like these are called “passive-aggressive" behaviors. They are negative but not direct. They do not necessarily get you what you want and they often make the other person(s) angry.)
2. Can you think of circumstances where passive communication may be in your best interest, even though your needs may not be met?
3. Have you behaved aggressively in a situation? How did it work out? How would things have been different if you had chosen an assertive response?
4. Have you behaved assertively in a situation? How did it work out? What would a passive response have been in that situation? An aggressive response?
5. When is it easier, and when is it more difficult, to be assertive? Give examples.
6. Is there a current situation where you need to act assertively and have not yet done so? What will you do?
7. Does acting assertively always guarantee you will get your needs and/or wants met? (Answer: No! But it does guarantee you will feel proud of standing up for yourself.)
8. Have you heard of people getting a negative reaction for speaking assertively? Explain.