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By Kate Stewart
When our children learned to walk they started by crawling then pulling themselves up and finally taking those first wobbly steps. When they learned to talk they started with simple sounds that eventually formed into words. Reading was the same – recognizing letters and sounds and moving up to simple books. Our babies did not go to sleep one night and the next day wake up able to run down the street or recite the Gettysburg Address – even though sometimes it feels like these things happen in a blink of an eye. It is a process -- learning to walk, talk, read, ride a bike – learning how to do just about anything is a process. So it dawned on me that for us to think about one day sitting down and having “the talk” with our kids misses this point completely and also has us missing many opportunities. It takes baby steps and laying the foundation for a child’s healthy sexual growth begins on day one. I know it sounds strange to think about your tiny baby and how she is already beginning the process of developing sexually. When I first heard someone say that infants, children, teens are all sexual beings, it made me uncomfortable. My first reaction was a mixture of fear and apprehension. But the problem was I was jumping in the deep end without first learning how to do the doggy paddle. Think about it, when you hear the phrase “sexual development” what do you think of? Sex, intercourse, all the things you don’t want your kids doing until they’re 30 and out of the house. But as I said that is jumping in at the deep end.
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By Kate Stewart
Soon after my second daughter was born I started thinking about all those things I would need to teach my children. First, you have the basics – walking, talking, etc. As they get older you teach them to read, to cross the street, to tie their shoe laces and – about sex. Sex. As most of my friends know we have made it a priority in our house to make sure we talk openly with our daughters about sex. But that doesn’t mean it is always easy or comes naturally. As with most things they don’t tell you when you have children, some days it is easy and you have all the answers and then there are days you just wish you could go to the bathroom by yourself. Back to sex. My own upbringing fell pretty short in talking about sex. I remember my first period in 7th grade. I was at a Saturday matinee of The Outsiders. As Ponyboy and the other young stars struggled to make sense of their lives, I got horrible cramps and suddenly realized I had a stain on my pants. Thank god for the older sister of a friend who promptly gave me a tutorial on menstruation and how to use a tampon – that was a bit of shocker. When I told my mom the only response was that she would buy more maxi pads. Whenever I had my period my grandmother would refer to it as “the girlfriend.”
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By Elizabeth Merck, Manager of Individual Giving
Last month I was giving my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter a bath when she pointed to her chest and said, “Mommy, what’s that?” I looked down and noticed that she was pointing to her nipples. Curiosity shone in her eyes.
“Those are your nipples,” I said, after taking a deep breath.
“Nipples,” she repeated with a smile. Then her brow creased, and she looked up at me again. “What’s those?” she questioned.
Clearly, she was asking what nipples were used for much like she’d ask about a pair of scissors or a bottle of hairspray. But how do you explain nipples to a two-year-old in a way that’s both accurate and comprehensible?
“Well,” I began. “Your nipples will grow into breasts when you get older. Eventually, you’ll have breasts like mommy. That’s what happens to girls.” After a moment had passed, I added, “Do you understand?”
“I’m a big girl,” she said, nodding her head up and down. Then she proceeded to change the subject by playing with her bath bubbles.
“Yes, you are,” I smiled. “You’re getting to be a very big girl.”
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By Kate Stewart Kids ask questions – a lot of questions. When they are small, you struggle as a parent to provide accurate information that they can understand. Many times you don’t know the answer or it is buried deep in the recesses of your mind. Why is the sky blue? Why does the Earth rotate around the sun? How deep is the deepest part of the ocean and what lives there? And so on.
Then, one day, the constant questioning stops. You look up from your coffee and you realize all of a sudden that the house is quiet. Where are those non-stop question machines - sitting with their ipods, reading a book, or playing on the computer. At first you sit and enjoy the silence and the chance to actually read the paper.
Then, overnight, the role of incessant questioner switches and you become the one to ask all the questions. How was school? What did you do today? What are you reading? Who are you talking to on the phone? Who was that boy you were with after school? The answers we receive are shrugs and nothings. |
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By Debra Hauser, Executive Vice President My son was about 12 years old when I picked him up from a neighborhood basketball court one summer’s day. “How was the game?” I asked as he flopped into the car. “Fun,” he responded. “We played Smear the Queer.”
My reaction was instantaneous. “I beg your pardon?! You played what!?!”
“Smear the Queer. What’s the matter? It is just a game, mom.” Came the response, complete with eye roll.
“It is not just a game. What if it were called Screw the Jew? Would it be just a game then?” I asked my soon to be Bar Mitzvah’d son.
I thought of this incident recently as I read the news of a young man in Massachusetts who, distraught from being incessantly taunted with anti-gay slurs, strangled himself with an electric cord in his bedroom.
His name was Carl Joseph Walker Hoover.
He was just 11 years old.
His mother was in the kitchen at the time cooking dinner.
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