Helping our Kids Develop a Health Body Image

by Martha Kempner

A few weeks ago a friend of mine was in Walgreens with her six-year-old son when, somewhere in the stomach remedy aisle, he told her that the kids at school had started making fun of him because his penis was too big.  Apparently, two boys in his first grade class had commented on it during a trip to the bathroom and later pointed him out to other boys in the cafeteria by saying “that’s the kid who has the big penis.”  Tempted to grab Maalox off the shelf and swig it right there, my friend resisted the urge to leave it at “someday that will make you happy and popular,” and attempted a conversation about body image, self esteem, and teasing.  

By her retelling of the story, I think she did a really good job especially for being blindsided in a public place. It’s a difficult conversation to have and I’m sure we can all imagine how it could have been even more difficult. What if her son were older and the teasing was about his penis being too small?  What if it was her daughter and the body parts in questions were her breasts (whether they were being called too big or too small they are far more visible)?  And, of course, it wouldn’t have had to be about reproductive organs at all to be a self-esteem issue; plenty of young people get made fun of because of their body shape or size. 

Self-esteem and body image are probably one of the hardest things to deal with as a parent. 

by Martha Kempner

I am an unrepentant eavesdropper.  On a bus, in the supermarket, or even in the ladies room, I keep my ears open to interesting conversations among strangers.  Seated next to another table for two, I am far more likely to listen to their conversation than to attempt to engage in one of my one.  I suppose this doesn’t make me the best dinner date but it has led to some great stories.  Like the one about the 30-something guy from the Bronx who was clearly on his first date with a 22-year-old blonde who had recently emigrated from Russia.  When he couldn’t start a conversation about ice-hockey (a topic he seemed to have assumed they would share a mutual interest in), he said to her, and I quote, “Are you into current events, because I’m really into current events.”  This has become somewhat of a catchphrase in our house. 

The other day, after a late but successful trip to do our taxes, my husband and I found ourselves in a cute diner in Westchester, which in the middle of the day was full of moms dining in pairs or quads while their children were at school.  I could not figure out the age of the pair sitting next to us but I gathered from their conversation that they each had children between the ages of 6 and 10 or so.  They were discussing what to listen to on the radio in the car and one suggested that she often puts on the news which prompted the other to tell a ”funny” story.  Apparently, a few weeks earlier, she was watching a 60 Minutes story with her children about the situation after the earthquake in Haiti when, as she described it, the worst thing happened: the reporter focused on a 13-year old who was pregnant.  And her son asked the hardest question: “how can a 13 year old get pregnant?”

Really?  She was watching footage of the aftermath of a devastating earthquake that left thousands dead and thousands more homeless and set an already poverty-stricken country back by at least a decade.  Images out of Haiti included injured people without food, water, and medical care, dead bodies lying in the street, and desperate individuals searching for relatives who are most likely dead.  Yet, to this mom the most disturbing image was that of a pregnant teenager.