by Martha Kempner

In June, as teens across the country were trading in their backpacks and books for bathing suits and beach towels, two different divisions of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released surveys on teens’ sexual behavior. These surveys, which are conducted at regular intervals, provide a snapshot of what today’s teens are doing and a way of tracking trends over time.

The first of the studies, the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Summaries (YRBS) conducted by the CDC’s Division of Adolescent and School Health (DASH), surveys high school students every two years. The results released last month were from the 2009 survey; it found that 46% of all high school students report ever having had sexual intercourse.

The second study, released by the National Center for Health Statistics, is a report on teens 15–19 who participated in the most recent National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG). The NSFG surveys women and men ages 15–44 and asks questions regarding “family life, marriage and divorce, pregnancy, infertility, use of contraception, and men’s and women’s health.” The report, Teenagers in the United States: Sexual Activity, Contraceptive Use, and Childbearing, National Survey of Family Growth 2006–2008, is among the first bits of data to be released from the most current survey. This study found that 42% of never-married females and 43% of never-married males ages 15–19 reported having ever had sexual intercourse.

Educators and public health professionals rely on these surveys to plan programs aimed at preventing both pregnancy and STDs, including HIV. And, though as parents, we obviously care more about a few select teens than the “cohort” as a group, I think these surveys include some interesting information for us as well.

Misperceptions About Teen Sex

I believe that adults, with a great deal of help from the media (both in the form of news stories about  rampant teen oral sex and television shows like Gossip Girl that make teen sex seem, well, rampant), tend to overestimate and catastrophize when it comes to this subject.  Some of the information in these surveys can actually correct misperceptions about teen sex and as such should be reassuring to parents.

It’s Not the Youngest Ones

One of the problems when we talk about teen sex is that our minds automatically turn to the youngest of teenagers; those 13 and 14 year olds whose playground days are not far behind. I would venture to guess that most, if not all, adults agree that these teens are too young to be having sex.

The good news is that, for the most part, 13 and 14 year olds are not having sex; according to the YRBS, 6% of high school students report having had sex before age 13. Not surprisingly, the percentage of teens who have had sex goes up steadily with age. If you look at the YRBS, this number jumps from 32% of ninth graders to 62% of high school seniors. Similarly, the NSFG found that among never-married males only 29% of those 15–17 had had sex compared to 65% of those ages 18 and 19. Among never-married females, 28% of those 15–17 had ever had sex compared to 60% of those 18 and 19.  

Not everyone agrees that pre-marital sex is okay at any age, but I think few people find it alarming when 19 year olds, many of whom are in college or living on their own under other circumstances, are having sex. So, perhaps we can look at these data and take a deep breath knowing we are talking mainly about the behavior of older (and with our help wiser) teens.

Virgin/Slut Myth

Our society likes to categorize people, women in particular, as either pure and saintly or slutty and promiscuous.  While used on adults as well, this image is even stronger when it comes to young people. In our minds and our media, there seem to be either responsible, studious young people with hopeful futures who remain abstinent or their less virtuous peers who lose their virginity in high school and proceed to hop into bed with any and everyone they meet.  

Well, it turns out that sexually active teens really aren’t boffing like irresponsible bunnies. They are doing what many single adults do: entering into a small number of selective sexual relationships. Both the YRBS and the NSFG found that only about 14% of young people had had more than 4 partners in their lifetime. Among never-married, teen males and females, 2 partners was most likely according to the NSFG. And, as much as we hear about hook-up culture, it is not true that teen sex is all about friends with benefits and one night stands.  In fact, according to the NSFG the most common first sexual partner (for 72% of females and 56% of males) is someone with whom they were “going steady.”

We should also note that while many teens are sexually experienced far fewer remain continuously sexually active. The YRBS found that only 34% of high school students had had sex in the three months prior to the survey. And, the NSFG found that of those never-married teens who had ever had sex only 38% (of males and females) had done so in the last year and only 28% of males and 30% of females had done so in the last three months.  

As parents we should be pleased with the idea that sexually active teens, like adults, are being selective about when and with whom they choose to have sex.

Contraceptive Use

When it comes to responsible sexual behavior, one of the most telling signs is contraceptive use, and though there is certainly room for improvement, the statistics show us that sexually experienced teens are capable of protecting themselves against pregnancy and STDs.

The NSFG found that 95% of sexually experienced, never-married teens had used a condom at least once and that the majority of them (79%) used a contraceptive method the first time they had sex. The YRBS asked sexually active teens (which it defines as those who had sex in the 3 months prior to the survey) if they used condoms the last time they had sex and 61% of them said they had.  Similarly, the NSFG found that among those never-married teens who had had sex within the month prior to the survey 51% of females and 71% of males used condoms 100% of the time. (Obviously, we’d want that number to be 100% for all, but 71% of teen males using condoms every time they had sex is pretty impressive and definitely flies in the face of the irresponsible “boys will be boys” image that comes to mind when we think of teen guys and sex.)

Looking at the facts from these surveys (rather than inaccurate perceptions of what teens are doing) suggests that it’s time to stop telling our young people that they are too immature and irresponsible to understand or engage in sexual activity, give them some credit for what they are doing right, and help them improve those behaviors that still place them at risk.  

But What Are They Thinking?

While these surveys are useful, especially from a public health perspective, they focus almost exclusively on, as a colleague of mine once said, who put what where and how often. I have always hoped the CDC and other agencies would use the opportunities they have to question young people, to ask not just about what they are doing but also about they are thinking. The NSFG does ask a handful of these questions.  
For example, the NSFG asks sexually experienced teens how they felt about the first time they had sex.  Most never-married, females (47%) said they had mixed feelings about the first time they had sex “part of me wanted it to happen at the time and part of me didn’t” though a similar number (43%) said they “really wanted it to happen at the time.” Not surprisingly, the older a teen was when she first had sex, the more likely she was to say she really wanted it to happen. And, though never-married, teen males  were more likely to report they “really wanted it to happen” (62%), the same trend holds true for guys; those who waited until they were at least 15–17 were more likely to say this.

As a parent, I think this information is incredibly valuable. Regardless of our own personal opinions about under what circumstances (long-term relationship, marriage) and at what age (16, 19, 21) it’s okay for our kids to have sex, I’m pretty sure we all want them to wait until the right experience (the one that they “really wanted to happen at the time”) comes along. Knowing that this is often not the case among their peers can help us talk to our own kids about what makes sexual relationships special and how they should wait for that.

Other questions provide insight on condom and contraceptive use. While the good news is that among those never-married teens who had had sex in the 3 months prior to the survey, 96% of females and 86% of males felt there was a “pretty good or almost certain chance” that they or their new partner would appreciate it if they used a condom, some teens (10% of females and 8% of males) still found the subject of condoms embarrassing to discuss with a new partner.    

As parents, our first priority from day one is keeping our kids safe, and helping them understand the importance of contraception when they do become sexually active is (whether we like it or not) a piece of this. Statistics like this suggests that talking to our kids about embarrassment, for example, could go a long way in increasing the number of teens who use condoms regularly.  


It’s Really About My Kid

As an educator, I would argue that we don’t ask enough of these types of questions, at least in part because there is a fear that doing so will send an unwitting message of acceptance or put ideas in young people’s heads. I don’t understand either of these fears; when the YRBS asks about drunk driving we don’t fear that teens will think we’re in favor of it and I can’t imagine an idea about sex that would come from a survey before it would come from say, MTV or Maxim magazine. (One thing parents can do to help out the public health community, by the way, is give permission for these types of surveys as they are anonymous and harmless.)

As a parent, of course, I care far less about what 52% of teens are doing or 95% of teens are thinking than I do about the thoughts and behaviors of the one (or two or three) teens living under my roof.  

So my suggestion is that we each conduct our own dinner-time survey of the teens we know. And don’t focus on who put what where and how often. Focus instead on what your teens are thinking and feeling about sex and what they think their friends are both thinking and doing. Use these surveys to start the conversation if that’s helpful or to correct misperceptions (teens, like adults, often overestimate the percentage of their peers who are having sex and the frequency with which they’re doing it, which may lead to peer pressure to become sexually active). And most importantly, use these conversations to help your kids think critically about teen sex.  This can only help them make responsible decisions.